I'm not going to go into the logistics of why you were made the side chick or what did you do wrong for him to confuse you from being wifey material to a jump off when you were rubbing on his tings at dinner on your first date. I'm not going to go into that, that's for another day. I'm sure I am not the only woman out there who gets really offended at the realisation that the Trigga Trey lookalike who you were thinking of introducing to your mum, dad and aunties at the next family reunion has already been introduced! Shoot, he didn't have an early start when you invited him over for a booty call, he has curfew and has to be home by a certain time or else his baby mama will have his balls for breakfast. You're his spicy rice, creamy mash, you're just a side. 
1. A woman's intuition is her number one weapon. If you have a feeling that things ain't right they probably aren't.
If you have a feeling, an inkling an itch that you might just not be the main chick then you're probably right, he's probably already spoken for and you're just being the awkward odd girl out.
2. Holidays are out of the question
Christmas, his birthday, Valentine's Day, New Years celebration he is AWOL. As much as you would have loved to spend his birthday with him, his main chick had already booked him for that day and well, she comes first. So he will make time for you the day before, the day after and maybe the afternoon if the Mrs. hasn't got all day plans. If it is a surprise that she has planned for him, expect last minute cancellations because he has to do something with his mum.
For Valentine's Day your man is going to make a couple of excuses. Either he doesn't believe in Valentine's Day because its so commercial and just a way to get people to spend money or you are breaking up a few weeks or even days before then making up after.
3. He never takes you anywhere
Have you noticed that you never do 'couply' things? You never go out to eat, cinema, bowling all that boring stuff that couples do and when you do it is way out of ends. He will take you to an area that is way out of both your way because he might know someone there that will give him a good deal but coincidentally when you get there his 'friend' is not picking up his phone or isn't working that day. He cannot be seen by anyone he knows with you so he will try to keep you happy by taking you out like you asked but as a compromise it has to be on the outskirts of London where no one knows him. If you always find yourself confined in the four walls of his or your room and when you do go to his house he has to sneak you in because he doesn't want his mum to see you, it might just be time to take a long walk and don't look back. If he's serious about you why can he not introduce you to his mother? You're both grown. I smell fish. Leave. Perhaps you found yourself a real man who has his own apartment, car and the whole shebang it doesn't mean he wouldn't want a little piece on the side
and so he spends quality time with you in his place, no where else.
4. The receptionist at Premier Inn and Travelodge knows your name
Did you ever wonder why he never takes you to his house but always to a hotel. He might say something along the lines of "I don't usually bring girls to my house until I'm ready to introduce them to my mum." You have both spent an arm and a leg on cheap hotel rooms just for you to spend quality time with him and after all that he still won't take out back to his house. Girl, wake up. Hotels are nice on holidays, believe me I'm a hotel junkie but if that's where you seem to be meeting up all the time you need to get your Columbo on and start investigating!
5. You only meet up after hours
How come you never go out when the sun is shining? Not that we get much sun over here but you know what I mean. How come he is always busy during the weekend **coughs wifey coughs** and only seems to have time for you during the week after work? Or when you do see him on the weekend its usually during booty call hours when he calls you to come over or maybe he wants to stop by for a night cap. In his defence he is a busy guy, I mean with work, gym, tanning and laundry he has no choice but to see you in the evening babes. *blank stare*
6. Lastminute.com
He should have shares in lastminute.com the way he makes and breaks his plans with you. When you make plans to see each other and do special things that lovers do he always seems to cancel at the very last minute because something would have come up that he has to do! Yeah, his main chick. She probably did a last minute thing herself and told him she was on her way or they were going somewhere, you know girlfriend stuff that you probably do for him only that no one knows about you... awkward. Also, he is the most spontaneous man on earth. He can just call you at any time and tell you that he's coming to pick you up and then call you five minutes later saying he can't come. Hmmm.
7. You gets no love on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram
You follow him, he follows you, you're his "friend" and all that nonsense but you get no ratingson social networking sites. Why? Because he doesn't want his business out like that, he's a very private personal and does not want everyone to knowing his private life. All of a sudden you cannot see or write on his wall. With this new function they have on Facebook that you can limit what individuals view on your profile he probably went to "werk" when he added you restricting all the pictures of him and his girl without actually deleting them from his profile because that will cause problems on home ground. Mark Zuckerberg is one sneaky man (almost used the m-word there!) He probably has "married" as his relationship status and everyone but you can see it.
I know there is more but as usual I get wound up when writing about these things, I don't want to go all 'Bane' like the guy in Colorado who thought it was a good idea to kill people enjoying the new Batman movie. SMH, what is the world coming to? He probably has a side chick himself!
If you have a feeling, an inkling an itch that you might just not be the main chick then you're probably right, he's probably already spoken for and you're just being the awkward odd girl out.
2. Holidays are out of the question
Christmas, his birthday, Valentine's Day, New Years celebration he is AWOL. As much as you would have loved to spend his birthday with him, his main chick had already booked him for that day and well, she comes first. So he will make time for you the day before, the day after and maybe the afternoon if the Mrs. hasn't got all day plans. If it is a surprise that she has planned for him, expect last minute cancellations because he has to do something with his mum.
For Valentine's Day your man is going to make a couple of excuses. Either he doesn't believe in Valentine's Day because its so commercial and just a way to get people to spend money or you are breaking up a few weeks or even days before then making up after.
3. He never takes you anywhere
Have you noticed that you never do 'couply' things? You never go out to eat, cinema, bowling all that boring stuff that couples do and when you do it is way out of ends. He will take you to an area that is way out of both your way because he might know someone there that will give him a good deal but coincidentally when you get there his 'friend' is not picking up his phone or isn't working that day. He cannot be seen by anyone he knows with you so he will try to keep you happy by taking you out like you asked but as a compromise it has to be on the outskirts of London where no one knows him. If you always find yourself confined in the four walls of his or your room and when you do go to his house he has to sneak you in because he doesn't want his mum to see you, it might just be time to take a long walk and don't look back. If he's serious about you why can he not introduce you to his mother? You're both grown. I smell fish. Leave. Perhaps you found yourself a real man who has his own apartment, car and the whole shebang it doesn't mean he wouldn't want a little piece on the side
and so he spends quality time with you in his place, no where else.
4. The receptionist at Premier Inn and Travelodge knows your name
Did you ever wonder why he never takes you to his house but always to a hotel. He might say something along the lines of "I don't usually bring girls to my house until I'm ready to introduce them to my mum." You have both spent an arm and a leg on cheap hotel rooms just for you to spend quality time with him and after all that he still won't take out back to his house. Girl, wake up. Hotels are nice on holidays, believe me I'm a hotel junkie but if that's where you seem to be meeting up all the time you need to get your Columbo on and start investigating!
5. You only meet up after hours
How come you never go out when the sun is shining? Not that we get much sun over here but you know what I mean. How come he is always busy during the weekend **coughs wifey coughs** and only seems to have time for you during the week after work? Or when you do see him on the weekend its usually during booty call hours when he calls you to come over or maybe he wants to stop by for a night cap. In his defence he is a busy guy, I mean with work, gym, tanning and laundry he has no choice but to see you in the evening babes. *blank stare*
6. Lastminute.com
He should have shares in lastminute.com the way he makes and breaks his plans with you. When you make plans to see each other and do special things that lovers do he always seems to cancel at the very last minute because something would have come up that he has to do! Yeah, his main chick. She probably did a last minute thing herself and told him she was on her way or they were going somewhere, you know girlfriend stuff that you probably do for him only that no one knows about you... awkward. Also, he is the most spontaneous man on earth. He can just call you at any time and tell you that he's coming to pick you up and then call you five minutes later saying he can't come. Hmmm.
7. You gets no love on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram
You follow him, he follows you, you're his "friend" and all that nonsense but you get no ratingson social networking sites. Why? Because he doesn't want his business out like that, he's a very private personal and does not want everyone to knowing his private life. All of a sudden you cannot see or write on his wall. With this new function they have on Facebook that you can limit what individuals view on your profile he probably went to "werk" when he added you restricting all the pictures of him and his girl without actually deleting them from his profile because that will cause problems on home ground. Mark Zuckerberg is one sneaky man (almost used the m-word there!) He probably has "married" as his relationship status and everyone but you can see it.
I know there is more but as usual I get wound up when writing about these things, I don't want to go all 'Bane' like the guy in Colorado who thought it was a good idea to kill people enjoying the new Batman movie. SMH, what is the world coming to? He probably has a side chick himself!
