No, really. He's A Baby!

I love him just like I raised him
When he call me Mama
Lil Mama I call him Baby - Nicki Minaj, Moment for life

I have always been fascinated by cougar relationships. I sit there asking questions about what it’s like to do it with a younger man, kind of like the questions you ask when you hear that your friend did it with a white guy: “What does it look like? Is it really pink?”

I have plenty of friends who date younger men, from a year to seven years and the thought is like a foreign subject to me, I just don’t get it. The funniest thing about my ignorance, yes I am aware that I’m ignorant when it comes to this subject, is that so many relationships that my friends are in are with younger men and they are fine. They never complain about the age gap and it never seems like an issue. I think the problem with me is that at the tender age of 25 the younger guys I will be meeting are 24 and below which is in my opinion young. If I was say, 30 and dated someone who is 25-27 that will be different because by that time they would have matured a bit more, played the field and MAYBE be on the same level as I will. I can imagine dating someone who’s say two years younger than me and telling them some kind of predicament I would be in just to make conversation because to be honest I do not trust the advice of a 23 year old even though when I was 23 I thought I was pretty smart. Any little thing I can see myself saying “oh what do you know, you’re only a child.”

A while ago, one of my friends set me up with her “friend” the quotes are necessary because she thought he was 26 when he was really 20! They are not real friends! So we start talking, we vibing, you know that whole thing. He asks for my bbm pin, I give it to him, he’s calling, he’s texting, he’s falling, lemme explain. So one day I was telling one of my girlfriends about him and she asked me how old he was and I drew a blank. I had no idea so I quickly picked up my phone and sent him a bbm and boy, did he avoid the question until he said 20. Eh? How old now? Dude wasn’t even 21! He couldn’t even drink in America! I decided not to let that throw me because we were getting on quite well and didn't act like a 20 year old despite numerous insults from my friends asking me if he was going to take me out with his EMA money, if he had curfew or all the other insults I suffered.

He finally asked me out to dinner and not only was it my first date with someone four years my junior; it was also my first ever blind date. This was going to be interesting. We met up at an underground station and headed to a restaurant nearby. He ordered pineapple juice, I ordered orange juice. We ordered our food, ate my steak and tried as hard as I could to forget his age. After a while he finished his drink and naturally I expected him to beckon the waitress for another drink but this young brother went in to his “man bag,” pulled out an orange Tropicana and poured it into his glass ever so nonchalantly *bbm shocked face* and to make matters worse he made me pay half!

My friend was right; we should have gone to Pizza Hut!

Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex?

A lot of people call me cynical but I think I'm a realist. I hear some people saying they friends with their ex. Now, I'm not talking about that person you linked once or twice or Tyrone that you flung a few years ago. They don't count as exes and you can become friends with them because the foundation was not deep. They don't know you like that. I'm referring to exes that you were together for two or more years but things didn't work out so now they're friends. You done met each others families, been to family reunions together and even talked marriage and kids, now you're "friends". We don't believe you, you need more people! I find it very hard to believe that me and my ex can be good friends. I'm not buying it. You can be civil, yes but friends? As in if you were to mention who your friends are you'd count them? I can't see it. You both might start off with good intentions of actually being friends, you're catching up, laughing and joking and one day it only takes one day when one of you is gonna say "remember that time...?"

"Yes, I remember that time! We ended up buck nekkid and fooling around, that was a good time *sigh*"

"So, uh, you think we'll ever do that again? I'm not saying I want to, I'm just asking"

*Tekken voice* Game. Over.

Immediately you've jumped from being "friends" to "reminiscers" (I know its not a word, I just made up.) At some point someone is going to catch feelings because once again you have the relationship without the stress and the booty (if you're getting some ass from your ex, you're not friends) but somewhere down the line you're going to get hurt, don't say I didn't warn you!

Maybe I am cynical or maybe I just don't have the time to be entertaining my past so I don't even give them the time of day or consideration in such foolishness, I have enough friends and we broke up for a reason, keep walking my friend.

The Numbers Game

First things first, we're now on Twitter! Yay! I know it was about time so follow us @avgoodblog to keep up to date with all my relationship cynicism and the random things I go through every now and then.

Ok back to the topic at hand, I'm a firm believer in telling the truth as much as possible but there's only one situation when the truth won't set you free and that's when your man asks you how many people you've slept with. Its always two isn't it? No? Just me? Ok, moving on. How many women actually tell the truth though? I'm referring to the non-virgins. What I've always found strange is why men ask. Why? Why do you want to know? Because whatever number I say is going to be too much for you.

I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and asked if she'd slept with the new guy she was dating (they're now official, yay!) and she said she hadn't, she wanted to see where this was going before she went ahead and opened her legs and at the end of that sentence she said "besides, i gotta think about my numbers! Now, this friend of mine has the lowest number ever! Use your imagination if you're really that nosey but even at such a minute number we have been programmed to keep our numbers as long as possible which is why we end up lying. Yes, I said it. We lie. Right to your face! They say that you're supposed to divide by three for men and multiply by three for women. Multiplying by three, really? Makes it a lot, doesn't it? And to be honest I don't think that men have a reason to lie any more about their numbers because sugar walls are so easy to get these days.

Us, women have been put under so much pressure on our numbers. Shoot, a lot of us have to recycle mushroom tips just so that you don't up your number. You know one of them times when you're feeling a bit frisky and you want to do it with this new guy, you really do but you can't because when you look at that little list you have, c'mon I'm not the only one! You look at that list and you know you're not ready to add another name to it so what do you do? You call Tyrone. You can't stand Tyrone but hell, it beats adding a number.

I need to clarify something right now for the masses, the number is a sensitive subject. No, we don't count Bob from Aya Napa, he doesn't count. We only count domestic tips and if it didn't go all the way in or if he was small we don't count that either. If he's in a different city it might be debatable too, different area code and all that. We definitely don't count one night stands or one hit wonders. If we hooked up five plus years ago, unfortunately you've been wiped out of memory. Only meaningful relationships, the ones that you called boyfriend for a bit longer than 3 months. Mistakes have already been erased from memory so they don't even come into the equation.

In an ideal world we'd all love to have slept with our prince charming. One man, is all we would have loved but somewhere down the line that man turned into a real mushroom tip and had to let go. So did the next one and a few more after that. Things don't always work out the way you want them to and it is so unfair to call SOME women hoes because of her number under the stress that we do because of how many men would have stuck their mushroom tips in our sugar walls. If I were a virgin I swear I'd have a 100 t-shirts made saying "Virgin and Proud" and wear them everyday. That'll be my thang.

So You're The Main Chick But Your Man Has A Mistress and Some Hoes...

I guess she wasn't shooting with him in the gym

Just the other night one of my girlfriends asked me what I would do if I had been with a guy for seven plus years and through out that period he had cheated on me several times but now it was becoming less frequent. First of all, we wouldn't get to the 'but' of this situation. How did we get to the seven year mark with him cheating on me? That's what I want to know! Was I in a coma, incarcerated or abducted by aliens? Because I find it hard to understand how I can lose count of how many girls MY man has been with since we've been together. If we're swinging or have an open relationship then I can understand but my jealous trait will not allow that to happen.

So I got to thinking; what does a man really have to possess for me to stick around for seven years of cheating?

i) He gives brain like he graduated from a good school

ii) He did juju on me, now my love is "blind"

iii) He has talents that give porn stars a run for their money

iv) He has deep pockets

v) He is a monster with words

vi) He's fine as hell

vii) You have kids together

And as I write this on the Northern line half eavesdropping, half concentrating I cannot find the sense in the reasons above. Is the pain worth it? Are you that naïve, insecure, in love that you cannot see that even though this man "claims" he loves you he is taking you for a fool? Yes, he is. He does not care or respect you because he is willing to watch you hurt. Does the pain go after seven years? Do you welcome him back with open arms and taste the girl he's just been with? He is ok with seeing you cry yourself to sleep. He thinks you'll get used it, over it or perhaps arrange a nicki minaje. You know you don't like it, stop fronting. You know he's not gonna change. You have allowed him for seven years to cheat on you and now you think he's tired because its less frequent? Go 'head boo, do you!

Bottom line, there's no better pussy than new pussy and you allowing him to go and do his "manly" thing is setting yourself up for an big fall. My friend advised me that some people might have hopes for the ring but my question still remains, what's the point? I guess I am a little biased because I am not a big fan of marriage so the ring is not a big deal to me but even if I was, why would I want to get married to someone who is going to be leading a single life? If I were to get married my husband would have to understand that he's eating these Jacob's crackers for life! Forget about Ritz and having variety to spice up your life. It is called monogamy for a reason.

Maybe I'm the naïve one and I don't know about the ting. Maybe with time I will become a little more compromising with cheating when I decide to lie to myself that all men cheat. They cheat because we allow them to. Nothing more, nothing less.

The video below is a must watch by @sulibreaks #hesnot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJzBtL2SKZg&feature=youtube_gdata_player



The Numbers Game

First things first, we're now on Twitter! Yay! I know it was about time so follow us @avgoodblog to keep up to date with all my relationship cynicism and the random things I go through every now and then. Why not eh? Also, read all my posts over at www.blogstop.co.uk every Wednesday.

Ok back to the topic at hand, I'm a firm believer in telling the truth as much as possible but there's only one situation when the truth won't set you free and that's when your man asks you how many people you've slept with. Its always two isn't it? No? Just me? Ok, moving on. How many women actually tell the truth though? I'm referring to the non-virgins. What I've always found strange is why men ask. Why? Why do you want to know? Because whatever number I say is going to be too much for you.

I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and asked if she'd slept with the new guy she was dating (they're now official, yay!) and she said she hadn't, she wanted to see where this was going before she went ahead and opened her legs and at the end of that sentence she said "besides, i gotta think about my numbers! Now, this friend of mine has the lowest number ever! Use your imagination if you're really that nosey but even at such a minute number we have been programmed to keep our numbers as long as possible which is why we end up lying. Yes, I said it. We lie. Right to your face! They say that you're supposed to divide by three for men and multiply by three for women. Multiplying by three, really? Makes it a lot, doesn't it? And to be honest I don't think that men have a reason to lie any more about their numbers because sugar walls are so easy to get these days.

Us, women have been put under so much pressure on our numbers. Shoot, a lot of us have to recycle mushroom tips just so that you don't up your number. You know one of them times when you're feeling a bit frisky and you want to do it with this new guy, you really do but you can't because when you look at that little list you have, c'mon I'm not the only one! You look at that list and you know you're not ready to add another name to it so what do you do? You call Tyrone. You can't stand Tyrone but hell, it beats adding a number.

I need to clarify something right now for the masses, the number is a sensitive subject. No, we don't count Bob from Aya Napa, he doesn't count. We only count domestic tips and if it didn't go all the way in or if he was small we don't count that either. If he's in a different city it might be debatable too, different area code and all that. We definitely don't count one night stands or one hit wonders. If we hooked up five plus years ago, unfortunately you've been wiped out of memory. Only meaningful relationships, the ones that you called boyfriend for a bit longer than 3 months. Mistakes have already been erased from memory so they don't even come into the equation.

In an ideal world we'd all love to have slept with our prince charming. One man, is all we would have loved but somewhere down the line that man turned into a real mushroom tip and had to let go. So did the next one and a few more after that. Things don't always work out the way you want them to and it is so unfair to call SOME women hoes because of her numberunder the stress that we do because of how many men would have stuck their mushroom tips in our sugar walls. If I were a virgin I swear I'd have a 100 t-shirts made saying "Virgin and Proud" and wear them everyday. That'll be my thang.