5 Things You Should Have In Common Before Getting Into A Relationship

I know they say opposites attract, yada yada yada but the truth is if you are very different from your significant other your relationship is going to go through some challenges. The problem is that many of these problems are not out in the open when you get in the relationship and they come up later or if they are; you are so infatuated that you think you can deal with it until the honeymoon period is over then reality hits.
So I've thought about this long and hard and decided to share with you, my beloved some things you should sit down and consider before you get into a relationship with someone to avoid future heartache when one of you decides to opt out because it'll be too much they cannot handle.

1. Religious Beliefs

This is one of the things that do not seem like a big deal at the beginning because most of the time you don't discuss religious beliefs unless either of you is really religious and even if you do you don't think of how it might affect your relationship in the future. A Christian can go out with a Muslim until it comes a time where someone has to convert. A practising Christian can not have a long term relationship with an atheist and ultimately a Jehovah's Witness cannot be with someone who loves Christmas and birthdays. These 'minor' details do not seem grand when you're at the beginning of a relationship but will cause big problems somewhere down the line when you have decided to jump the broom or add some kiddies into your lives.

2. Friends with exes

Some people are cool with this and some people are not. I, on the other hand am not. I just don't see how someone can be OK with their significant other being "friends" which is a lie because they are not really friends with someone they used to spoon and fork. How??? So all of a sudden you don't feel like spooning or forking them you just "friends" because you broke up? Yeah, right.
But for those who are a bit more understanding than I am then there are no problems when you're cuddling up with your significant other and they get a call from the "friend" who's car has broken down on the M25; needs their help and has to leave you at 10.30 at night to go help them out and doesn't come back until 4.30am. Friends right? OK.

3. Opposite sex friends

In this day and age I've come to accept that we will have friends of the opposite sex. Strictly platonic (sometimes) and this is a topic I don't have issues with because one of my best buds is a guy and I would never in a million years think of him as anything else. Yep, he's in the friend zone so I'm totally understanding when my significant has female friends. I am not so understanding however when he has hundreds of female friends. If you look at his Facebook or Blackberry Messenger and 80% of those friends are women then he's a friendly guy and if the same applies for the young lady with 80% male friends, then she's friendly too. So in this situation if your potential significant other has a hundred friends of the opposite sex and you are fine with the situation then do you but if you know in yourself before you even get into a relationship with them that you are not keen on having a significant other who is more popular than Kim Kardashian and athletes I suggest you opt out before the going gets tough because it will affect your relationship later down the line.

4. Extrovert vs Introvert

I know a few people who are going to disagree with me on this but many will also understand. I will start off by saying this; an introvert needs an extrovert simply for the relationship to work but there comes a time where these two will start clashing. I like to think of myself as an introvert, loner more like and I cannot be in a relationship with someone who likes raving, hosting parties and just being on a "hype." In moderation this lifestyle is cool but when done exsessively and around an introvert it will cause problems because then one of us will have to compromise which will make you resent the person because hell, you'll be missing out on the Drake After party or they might have to miss Eastenders to go to the Drake After party. Either way, it might be fun and you might be understanding at first but will make you want to choke each other six months later when the honeymoon period is over.

5. Kids and marriage

Biiiiig deal! Getting into a relationship when you are 17/18 and not care what the other person's views on marriage and kids are is absolutely fine but when you are aging like myself you have to know how the other person views these. There are some people out there who really want to get married and have kids and there are some who are not so keen. In this day and age we have a lot of couples that have been together for 10 years and their not married neither do they have kids and are happy. Marriage and kids are not absolutely necessary these days as long as you both have that understanding and are OK with your living and future arrangements. You also have to find out when they are planning on settling down if they are and how many kids they want to have, if any. The worst case scenario when a child lover marries a non-maternal person and was not aware of this until after jumping the broom. Do your homework.

So, ladies and gentlemen of AVG Blog, do you agree or disagree and what other things should one look out for before say yes to a relationship?

How To Feel Good In 10 Ways

A wise man once said:

"There's no such thing as an ugly woman, only a lazy one."

 At first I didn't agree but then take a look at some celebrities without make-up. I rest my case. Its natural to have insecurities, I think its a natural shame to be honest because there honestly isn't such a thing as an ugly woman. I'm often the relationship joker and cynic but I thought I should take some time out and speak to my sisters who might be feeling a little down on the self esteem side because let's face it we all suffer from it at some point so stop feeling sorry for yourself and follow my tips and we'll have your confidence higher than an Amy Winehouse at the Brits.

First and foremost, it all starts with you.

i) Fake it til you make it

Have you ever seen a girl you didn't think was attractive with Trey Songz looking guys on her case and wondered how she gets all the attention? She told herself that she was hot enough to get anyone and she did. If you believe you're the hottest thing since electrical heaters and act like it; the whole world will treat you like you are. Think positive thoughts about yourself and accept that you are not perfect and that no one else is. Once past that hurdle think of yourself as uber hot and always keep that in mind. Sometimes faking it will take you to your desired goal and while you know you're faking it; no one else does!

ii) Wear make-up like you're the face of MAC

For years I didn't wear make up because I simply didn't want to. Didn't see the need and was quite happy with the way I looked without it but I didn't feel attractive. Every time I wore make up to go out to a special event, I had this confidence that I never got every other day. I wanted to look in the mirror the whole night simply because I liked how I looked and don't get me started on the compliments. I don't think the compliments were because of how I looked but how I felt came out and people felt that vibe so I started wearing make up everyday simply because I like how I feel when I'm wearing it and my confidence goes up a notch everyday not to mention I don't run away from taking pictures now!
In addition to wearing some make-up, dress well and keep your hair looking good because when you look good, you feel good. Our confidence starts with how we look outside then it's manipulated into our brain so we feel good too!

iii) Accentuate your best assets

Like I said at the beginning, everyone has insecurities and if you can't fix them create a distraction. Simple. Those who know me know that I wasn't blessed with an ass like Buffy the body and no matter how much I've tried to eat and do squats it just won't grow so what did I do? Created a distraction. I started putting the focus on other areas I felt confident with making people forget about my not-so-plump backside.
Everyone has a part of their body they like best so accentuate it whether its your eyes, lips, hair, breasts, stomach, legs, bum, feet the list is endless put your focus on that area which will divert people's attention from the area you're not so proud of.
(Tip for my not-so-plump backside sisters, avoid wearing high waisted clothes they flatten your bum and wear fitted or low rise jeans or trousers)

iv) Treat yourself and take care of yourself

Its called retail therapy for a reason and you don't need to buy the whole Selfridges. There are now so many shops and boutiques that cater to all purse sizes and sometimes you just need to buy that one pair of shoe or that little black dress to make you feel good. Go to the salon and get a new hairstyle; you can also treat yourself to some lunch, facial, mani or pedi. All these are simple little things that pump up your confidence.

v) Listen to music

You ever feel down until you hear Beyonce singing Single Ladies, Katy Perry's Fireworks or even the Glee cast? Music has a subliminal way of manipulating our thoughts and mood. Try listening to Kelis' 'Caught Out There' and tell me if you feel better then listen to Usher's Dj Got Us Falling In Love and notice the difference. There are songs for every mood. When you're down try listening to an upbeat song, dance and sing a long and in 4 minutes, your mood will be different.
Listen to music when you're on the train or in your car and let the music move you.
(Not literally because people on the train might think you're crazy)

vi) Go out

Don't stay couped up in the house feeling sorry for yourself. Get your glad rags on keeping number 1 and 2 in mind. When you're out there is a 99.999% that someone is going to compliment you which is exactly what you need to confirm what you already knew. Chris Rock once said

"women need three things in life: water, food and compliments"

So the need for appreciation is in our nature. Nothing wrong with that. Savour it and believe that they are complimenting on you on what is true. You're fabulous! Distraction is also a good way to making yourself feel good, so stay busy!

vii) Flirt

There's nothing wrong with a little bit of harmless flirting. A little smile, batting your eyelashes and engaging in meaningless conversation adds nothing but a feel good feeling into your life. Flirting is another confirmation that you are worth talking to. If someone didn't want to engage in any sort of conversation with you they wouldn't. You don't have to flirt with a stranger, even your significant other. A little bit of appreciation goes a long way so take your time and enjoy it.

viii) Surround yourself with positive people

If you can read this you can probably add and subtract so we all know that plus and minus equals minus. So no matter how much of a positive and happy individual you are; if you surround yourself with negative people it will rub off on you.
Hang around people that uplift your spirits, stroke your ego and add to your life. Life is too short to be surrounding yourself with negative people because they'll just spread negative energy and you're better than that.

ix) Do something you're good at

Everyone has something that they are good at; whether it's drawing, painting, writing, singing, dancing etc we all have talents. Every now and then do something that you're good at or something that you enjoy alone. I like to sing and dance when I'm home alone and Lord knows I can't do either of those but I still do them and I feel good during and after doing them. If nothing comes to mind, take up a new hobby or go to the gym. A good work out is guaranteed to leave you feeling refreshed. Take care of you.

x) Get enough rest

Seems a bit too silly and a bit too easy but tiredness has never made anyone feel good. Make sure you get enough rest and sleep. An average adult needs 8 hours sleep so try and get some. Lie ins are great because your body gets to relax but overdoing them will just leave you feeling groggy and tired.
The trick is to get enough rest, not too much and not too little because they'll both leave you feeling tired which won't make you look or feel good.

Basically, the easiest way to feeling good is to take care of yourself and think positively about yourself. No one is perfect and everyone has their own opinion but the only one that matters is the one you have for yourself so think good thoughts!

Ladies and gentlemen of AVG blog, any other suggestions?

ARE YOU SETTLING???

There comes a time in all relationships when you sit back and wonder if you are with your significant other because you love them or because you’re scared there’s no one better out there for you. It is unrealistic to think that you are going to be happy 100% of the time and your life is going to be similar to one straight out of Hollywood. However, if you find yourself unhappy most of the time that you are around them and the thought of being in that relationship makes you want to cry, you might just be settling.

Let’s get real, at the beginning of a relationship we are so blinded by infatuation that any habits that would normally drive us nuts are cute and the fact that they are not compatible to you is unrecognisable because we have that thrill of someone new. Its only a bit further down the line that you start to see clearly and most of the time you’re in too deep to just call it quits. Either because you’re scared you are not going to find something better or you want to avoid the heart ache. We also convince ourselves that no one is perfect and that we might be picky.
I have a girlfriend who had been with her partner for a year and in that whole year he never surprised her with anything. No flowers, chocolates, little gifts or what-not but he always did what she asked him. He was a good man; caring and loving but everything about their relationship was monotone; there was no excitement, no dates unless she nagged about it. As a grown woman she exercised communication and discussed with him her concerns. Nothing changed  because he was content with their relationship he didn’t feel the need to add any excitement to their relationship so she just accepted it as one of his flaws because no one is perfect, right or was she settling?

"Everybody settles to some degree," says John W. Jacobs, M.D., a New York City-based psychiatrist and author of All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage (HarperCollins, 2005). "But when we talk about really settling, we're talking about someone who has settled and agreed to be in a relationship where there is something really big that bothers them. They have decided that it is in their interest to live with that situation."

There are so many reasons why people stay in relationships when they are clearly not happy and the main ones are self-esteem and fear. It rules such a big part of us and in some relationships it gets taken away from us leaving us stuck with that person because they have made us believe we do not deserve or can do better. It also gets to the point where you are scared that no one will love you or understand you as much as Bob does. Fear paralyzes people.
Below I have come up with 5 signs to show that you might not be overreacting and the grass might indeed be greener on the other side. As usual I’m going to be brief and not write the extremes such as ‘if he’s using you as a punching bag but you still stay because you love him and he loves you’ because those are pretty straight forward. Get out of there!

1. You are not bothered about what he does or doesn't do
Many people out there are in relationships because they are scared of being alone, that's why they end up settling. Being with someone means being interested in their well being and their life. You want to know if they are safe, fed and achieving their life goals. If you find yourself not being bothered about their present or future, you might be settling because you just want someone to be there with you.

2. You don’t have the same interests in anything
My boyfriend likes all these vampire movies, I like comedies. I like reading, he'd much rather be playing COD Black Ops. Apart from these we more or less speak the same language when it comes to our interests. When you find yourself in a relationship where you do not have the same interests whatsoever, there might be trouble ahead. You can't go anywhere with him because he doesn't like what you like and vice versa. The only thing you have in common is each other. Everything that you do is based on compromisation even when it comes to watching tv or going out for a meal because of your different lifstyles. They are not a bad person and neither are you, they are just not the right person for you so stop settling.

3. You are not attracted to him
Attraction goes beyond physical, for a relationship to work you have to be attracted to everything about them i.e their physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. Take physical for an example, if you are not physically attracted to your partner, there is a very high chance that you are going to start looking elsewhere for that physical attraction. Same goes for mental, spiritual and emotional attraction. That connection needs to be there because if you are lacking in either one of these you will look elsewhere for it because they are the key to a lasting relationship. You need someone who is on the same page as you, same beliefs (an atheist cannot marry a religious person and live together forever and ever unless one of them converts) and same goes for emotional attraction (an animal rights activists can never have a long lasting relationship with a fur lover or breeder for dogs that do dog fighting.)

4. You know he cheats on you but allow him because all men are the same
Unfortunately, this woman exists. She has been hurt and cheated on so many times that she thinks its the norm. I am no expert and I am no man but something doesn't sit right with me when I think of accepting my partner's infedelity because the next guy might do the same thing to me. Anyone that is willing to be disloyal and share your bed with someone else does not deserve you. A good spouse will be faithful. Don't settle for that mess, you deserve better.

5. You know he’s not the right one for you
If you are in a relationship where you purposely know that your partner is the right one for you, there is no redder flag. Knowing that you're settling is just going to cause frustration and depression down the line. I know people that have gotten married to people they did not like but did it because they wanted kids or marriage. Some years or months later you are going  to find yourself constantly wishing for someone else or that your significant other would change to be what you want.

It's worse to settle for something that you do not want than to have nothing at all.

10 Signs You're Crazy!!!

Alright, last time I shared with you the top ten signs that you were dealing with a crazy guy. Some guys thought some of the signs were not crazy but showed how much they cared. Alarms bells just started going off everywhere in my head. So this time I took some time to draft some of the signs to show that you might have a crazy tendency. Some of the guys' signs from last time do apply to some women but I chose these ones specifically for us. There are plenty more but since I only have to put down 10, I chose the ones which I thought were done by "normal" women and not those that need to be put into an institution.
*Disclaimer: I have never done any of these below mentioned signs. It was all researched *clears throat*
1. Going through his phone while he's sleeping.
The crazy thing about this is that many women have done it for so long that it has now began to seem normal. No, its not. If you can't go through his phone when he's sitting next to you; you probably shouldn't do it when he's passed out either.

2. You broke up months ago but you still want him back, when he tells you that he doesn't feel the same you pull a Jazmine Sullivan and bust his windows.
Rejection is never easy for anyone but busting his windows, scratching his car, flattening his tyres is one way to send him running for the hills and possibly getting a restraining order on your ass. Keep it cool, say ok and smile then cry in your pillow at night.

3. Going through his trash
Bins are disgusting no what where or what's in it. Going through his trash to see what he's been throwing away, hidden things he might be trying to discard before you see is just plain nasty. Usually if you look for something, you'll find it.

4. Checking his mileage to see what he said matches with his mileage spent
Not only did this happen in 'Why did I get married too', a girlfriend of mine confessed to doing this to her then bf and apparently he had spent 200miles to go to work. Maybe it works, I'm not judging.

5. Spraying your perfume all over his clothes so that he smells of a woman
Jealousy will make you do some strange things but if you are his side piece, accept your position and do not try and sabotage this poor man's relationships with other women. If you are in a relationship with him and still feel the need to "mark your territory" by spraying his clothes so that he smells like you, you might be dealing with some issues. Just be discreet with the spraying, a little whiff goes a long way.


6. Crying wolf
Screaming down the street that he's been beating, abusing and neglecting you and your five kids just to keep him in the house is probably gonna make him run for the hills. To make matters worse, the neighbours are starting to feel sorry for you when you don't even have kids, he ain't even your man! If he doesn't want to be there, let him go.

7. Creating a fake fb profile to lure him and cheat on you with your fake profile
You don't trust him so in order for you to see if he's been or will cheat on you; you create a fake fb profile and start flirting with him just to see if he'll bite.

8. Calling his house phone on private number and hanging up as soon as he picks up just to make sure he's at home.
Obviously there is lack of trust in this relationship which leads you to do some strange things. Calling his house phone to make sure he's at home is one sure sign that you have a problem. If he says he's at home believe him, if you don't; tell him. Don't prank him!

9. You have a baby by him and make it a point to call all his gf's telling them to stay away from your husband or you will do juju on them
Let him go. If you happen to have a baby by him and still want him back, let him go. If he was truly yours he'll come back. For real. Because the last thing an innocent woman wants to hear is her man's baby mama telling her that she should stay away from her "husband." This is only gonna push him further away from him because you'll be showing him that you are crazy and noone like a crazy person.

10. Going through his emails, fb, online bank account to see what he's been upto and what he's been spending his money on after you've broken up.
To make it worse you think this is normal and you claim you're just curious what he's up to. To make matters worse, you start deleting the pictures which he's tagged in with girls, deleting the female friends who'd have written on his wall or poked him. The poor guy trusted you with his personal info and now that you have broken up you're acting all crazy. To be fair he should have changed his details when you broke up. Oops! Did I just try and justify a crazy action?

(Shout out to my significant other for telling me his crazy girl experiences. Hope you weren't talking about me!)

10 SIGNS HE'S CRAZY

We’ve all been there and done that, had that crazy boyfriend who would not leave you alone. I’d like to be the first one to stand up, raise my hand and say I have been with a crazy. There’s nothing to be ashamed of because the truth is we were deceived. They made us believe that they were normal, hell; I even pictured myself getting married to him. But after a while the crazy signs started coming out and I got fed up. I tried letting my crazy go nicely by being polite because I didn’t want to break his little crazy heart but when he refused to let me go (refer to sign 3) I had to get that restraining order. No, I really didn’t but I did change my number, moved house and changed my car. If I was to write a book on what I went through with my crazy, I think it’ll make Oprah’s book club. This is why ladies, I feel obliged to share some crazy signs with you so that you can spot a crazy guy from when he drops that first text after meeting him. Here are ten signs that I thought screamed ‘CRAZY.’

1. He’s always calling, texting, email, bbm-ing (if you have a blackberry)
In the beginning, you will find this sweet and it might give you the occasional butterflies because we all like it when our love interest calls or texts us just to find out how we are. A morning text will make you smile, another text an hour later wishing you a nice day at work, the next one asking you what you’re up to (while you’re at work), then he calls just to see how your day is going, then texts you as soon as you get off the phone to him telling you that he’s thinking of you, then another text asking you what you’re doing (uh… I’m still at work),asks what you’re having for lunch, then he calls again… you catch my drift. This one though has a very thin line because it can be sweet or down right off putting so when this starts happening, be alert! This leads me to crazy sign number 2.

2i. When you miss his calls or do not reply his messages, he shows up at your house or work because he was worried about you since you hadn’t responded
Yeah, be weary when he starts showing up at your place of work or at your house because you didn’t respond to his calls or texts. It’s not always because he’s crazy, sometimes it means that he genuinely likes you and is concerned about you when you do not answer your phone even though he knows that you are work between the hours of 9 and 5, he just thinks it’s a good idea because maybe, just maybe you might have gotten hit by a blimp and needed to see if you were ok. My advice to you girlfriend is cut that crazy guy off NOW before we get to number 3. Just saying.

ii. You forget your phone at home and when you come back there are 300 missed calls, 150 texts and a few hundred voice mails.
Need I say more?

3.i. Spying on you on facebook and commenting on all your photos and statuses, even the ones dating back to 2008
 This is creepy because when you visit someone’s facebook page, most of the time you only see that month or a few weeks back on their statuses or activity. Scrolling all the way down to last year or two years ago, is bound to bring up some warning signs!

 4. Follow you to the toilet during your date in case you run off
Based on a true story. One of my girlfriends went on a date with this guy and she thought to do a runner in the middle of the film (don’t judge her, this ain’t about her!) So she politely excused herself and went to the ladies. When she was coming out she saw her date, standing there waiting for her. Trying not to freak out, she asked him if the movie had finished and he casually replied that it hadn’t. Like seriously? Where they do that at?

5. You make the mistake of staying over at his place and when you jump into the shower the next morning he deletes all the men in your phonebook
You decide to give your crazy benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe you’re reading a little too much into his actions. maybe he’s not really crazy so you spend the night with him. Later in the day you realise that there are no men left in your phone book. No brothers, cousins, friends, nothing! He had deleted every guy in your phone book and just left himself. How subtle!

6. Follow you wherever you say you are going to be just to make sure. Oh by the way, he’ll be following you without your knowledge
You might recognise this action by the common word ‘stalker.’ He seems to know what you wore the other night when he mistakenly mentions that you’ve worn that top two days in row, where you stopped for fuel, what bus you got on and which train station you got off.

7. Introduces you to his mum, aunties, siblings after your first date as the one he’s going to marry.
I understand that some dudes think this is sweet when you tell a girl that you want to marry her after the first date. Unless you’ve known each other for a while before you started dating, that just shows that you’re stupid because you’re will to marry any girl that you don’t know well enough and want to want to spend the rest of your life with her and frankly you might just become clingy and crazy. Introducing you to his mum and every family member that matters to him after your first date as his soul mate, the one, my wife etc is not sweet. Run!

8. After realising that he’s a crazy, you break up with him but he still calls you his girlfriend and carries on like you never broke up.
Break ups are never easy on anyone, whether you’re the dumpee or the dumper. If you’re the dumper, you have to deal with the fact that you’re breaking someone’s heart and they might start crying in front of you and you won’t know what to do; and if you’re the dumpee you have to deal with the fact that you’ve been rejected and all the plans you had with that person now mean nothing. That’s what normal people go through but a crazy! Oh no, he will sit there and listen to you while you break up him with a smug look on his face. when you’ve finished your well rehearsed speech, he smiles and says ok. “Whoo! That was easy,” you think to yourself.
The next day he calls you, “good morning baby,” wtf? Then he carries on like yesterday never happened, no matter how much you try and explain to him that you’re done; in his head, you’re still together. Some call it love, others denial, I call it CRAZY!

9. To try and get you back he pleads with your family, friends and everyone you know telling them that you’re the love of his life and he does not know how he’s going to move on without you.
This has a thin line between sweet and crazy but if he’s been showing the above mentioned signs, chances are he’s a bit crazy. Warn your family and friends not to entertain him cos he’ll be so charming to them that they’ll start to convince you that he’s not crazy but sweet cos he loves you.

 10. Threatening to kill himself if you leave him.
 We’ve all heard about this guy (and girls too) that threaten to kill themselves if you break up with them. Why should someone being with you matter more than your own life? There’s no need to slit your wrists or over dose on sleeping pills because a girl doesn’t want be with you. Grow a pair! Ladies, I don’t know what advice to give if a dude says this to you because he might actually kill himself if you leave him and if you stay, it’s hell for you. Look out for the signs before it gets to this stage!

So ladies and gentlemen of A Very Good Blog, what other crazy signs have I left out that we all should look out for?

(next article: 10 Signs YOU’RE Crazy! yeah, I said it)