Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater...?

I am yet to meet a reformed cheater. I have faith but I'm still waiting. Someone always falls off the wagon or at least I'm waiting to see if they'll fall off the wagon because they always do. I met a handsome brotha who was cheating on his girlfriend. Any opportunity he got he'd drop his pants. After we became close friends I started seeing that this guy really, honestly and whole heartedly loved his girlfriend. He professed his love on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Myspace (if it still existed), citing hopes of getting married and for her to bear his children. At the beginning of the year he told me he was done cheating. His New Year's resolution was to do right by her and wasn't going to cheat on her any more. You know it's serious when you have to make it a New Year's resolution to stop cheating. It took him 3 months to fall off the wagon. He honestly loved her and I believed him and when asked why he continued to cheat on her he said it was because he knew he was going to be faithful when he married her. He basically wanted to get it all out of his system. So I asked him what guarantee he had that he would marry her since he was repeatedly cheating on her...Silence.

What I found interesting however from a conversation I had with him (I love our little heart to heart moments) was that when I asked him if someone who had cheated in the past would do it again. He said if someone cheats once they'd would definitely cheated again. Why? Because once a cheater always a cheater. In order for a man to be truly faithful; he said, he needs to have very strong will power and he needs to make up his mind that he doesn't want to cheat any more. It's all up to him.

So I thought, what about women? If a woman cheats does that mean she will do it again? I don't think so, only because I believe that a woman will cheat on her man if she's looking for something that she's not getting in the relationship. If her man doesn't listen to her, encourage her, give her moral support she will find a man who is willing to give her that. It is a psychology of making up what the other one lacks. A woman can have a man who's the kindest, most generous man, funny, good job, everything is amazing on paper but if she wants someone who will throw her around the bedroom and looks like he has a baseball bat stashed in his trousers but her man looks more like MMG's bawse (Rick Ross) and is holding a chipolata under his 10 month pregnant looking belly she might be stepping out.  If she stays with said man she might cheat on him continuously until she gets what she really wants out of the relationship. Cheating could be tit for tat thing. You cheat on me, I will cheat on you. Two wrongs don't make a right but they surely make you sleep better at night!

So what happens when your boo cheats on you? Do you forgive them and try to rebuild that trust with them or do you keep it moving? I had to think long and hard about this, had a few debates too! I think it's very naive to believe someone when they grovel and swears to you that will never do it again that they won't because no one can predict their future actions. I believe in love, I love LOVE but I also believe that a snake will beg for your mercy and then bite you right after you spare it's life.
Forgiveness is something we all need to do. We need to forgive in order to move on with OUR lives, when you forgive it stops being about the other person and more about you. At the same time we do not need to go back into a cycle of infidelity because of love. Not taking someone back after they cheated does not mean you don't love them, it means you're not willing to risk your heart and feel like your world has come tumbling down again. It is protecting yourself from the betrayal, paranoia and insecurity. In the same breath I will say that taking someone back after they've cheated on you does not make you a fool in love, it means you have hope that people can become better. It is understanding that human beings make mistakes and they can come back from that. It is understanding that it was never about you (well, maybe it was but hey!) and that people change. Sometimes they don't and such is life.

But fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.  Fool me thrice then you're damn fool because I'm coming to get your ass!