First things first, we're now on Twitter! Yay! I know it was about time so follow us @avgoodblog to keep up to date with all my relationship cynicism and the random things I go through every now and then. Why not eh? Also, read all my posts over at www.blogstop.co.uk every Wednesday.
Ok back to the topic at hand, I'm a firm believer in telling the truth as much as possible but there's only one situation when the truth won't set you free and that's when your man asks you how many people you've slept with. Its always two isn't it? No? Just me? Ok, moving on. How many women actually tell the truth though? I'm referring to the non-virgins. What I've always found strange is why men ask. Why? Why do you want to know? Because whatever number I say is going to be too much for you.
I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and asked if she'd slept with the new guy she was dating (they're now official, yay!) and she said she hadn't, she wanted to see where this was going before she went ahead and opened her legs and at the end of that sentence she said "besides, i gotta think about my numbers! Now, this friend of mine has the lowest number ever! Use your imagination if you're really that nosey but even at such a minute number we have been programmed to keep our numbers as long as possible which is why we end up lying. Yes, I said it. We lie. Right to your face! They say that you're supposed to divide by three for men and multiply by three for women. Multiplying by three, really? Makes it a lot, doesn't it? And to be honest I don't think that men have a reason to lie any more about their numbers because sugar walls are so easy to get these days.
Us, women have been put under so much pressure on our numbers. Shoot, a lot of us have to recycle mushroom tips just so that you don't up your number. You know one of them times when you're feeling a bit frisky and you want to do it with this new guy, you really do but you can't because when you look at that little list you have, c'mon I'm not the only one! You look at that list and you know you're not ready to add another name to it so what do you do? You call Tyrone. You can't stand Tyrone but hell, it beats adding a number.
I need to clarify something right now for the masses, the number is a sensitive subject. No, we don't count Bob from Aya Napa, he doesn't count. We only count domestic tips and if it didn't go all the way in or if he was small we don't count that either. If he's in a different city it might be debatable too, different area code and all that. We definitely don't count one night stands or one hit wonders. If we hooked up five plus years ago, unfortunately you've been wiped out of memory. Only meaningful relationships, the ones that you called boyfriend for a bit longer than 3 months. Mistakes have already been erased from memory so they don't even come into the equation.
In an ideal world we'd all love to have slept with our prince charming. One man, is all we would have loved but somewhere down the line that man turned into a real mushroom tip and had to let go. So did the next one and a few more after that. Things don't always work out the way you want them to and it is so unfair to call SOME women hoes because of her numberunder the stress that we do because of how many men would have stuck their mushroom tips in our sugar walls. If I were a virgin I swear I'd have a 100 t-shirts made saying "Virgin and Proud" and wear them everyday. That'll be my thang.
