May 17, 2011

12 Reasons Why Men Cheat?

I got inspired to write this after watching Man and Wife on youtube and also reading Steve Harvey's Act like a lady, think like a man. So I did a bit more research and visited my frequent male authored blogs vsb, blackgrilsareeasy and brotherswithnogame and compiled a list.

A few people had asked me to do a post on 'Signs that he's cheating' but I don't need to do that because its plain and simple. Use your intuition. We were blessed with something men weren't. When something is wrong we feel it so follow that feeling. If you think your man is cheating he probably is so when that time comes get your detective hat on and do some investigating. I might just do a post on this after all.

Anyway, Steve Harvey's book is a must have for every woman and most hated book by most men because Steve really goes in on them!

I think this is one question that gets us women all riled up and confused because really it doesn't make sense because if he loves and caers about you why on earth would he cheat? What I learnt is that men are simple. So simple they're complicated because us (women) are complicated creatures therefore we over think things. So what I'm going to do is combine the reasons I've got from my research and add a bit of explanation to it. Remember, don't over think it. It is as it is. Men are simple. End of.

1. Because they can.

First and foremost this is the one reason that makes me wanna get a mack 10, sniper rifle, shot gun every kind of weapon you can think and eliminate all men (apart from my daddy he's perfect) is this reason. "What the f- d'you mean because they can?" Yep, that was my exact reaction. Because they can??? Who gave them the right to cheat? Who told them they can go out and cheat on us women, cause heartbreak and what have you?The answer is simple. There's nothing you or I can do if your man wants to cheat on you. Nothing. Confiscate his phone, get his passwords, put a damn tracker on his car but if that man wants to cheat, he will.
Ok, let's calm down before we move on cos I'm getting a bit mad myself over here.
*yoga instructor voice* breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Gooood.

Ready? Let's move on.

2. He's bored and wants excitement

Relationships get boring sometimes, let's face it. After being with someone for a long time you're not as excited to be with them as you were in the beginning. Its not your fault, its human nature *tell them that it's human nature.*
Anyway, I think this one applies to both men and women because we get bored too and stray because we want excitement but this is not about us, its about them!
I don't think I need to elaborate too much on this one, its pretty self-explanatory.

3. You ain't doing it like you used to

When you first got together you were swinging from chandeliers, wearing 6 inch heels, frequenting Ann Summers to buy sexy thangs but now he'll be lucky if he gets a kiss. You just want to get it done and over with. You're wearing your headscarf as soon as you get in, wearing that big ol' t-shirt you got in that 2005 goodie bag when you went to that festival. Your razor is rusting because you haven't shaved your legs, arms or bikini line since last summer and you smell of food and baby sick and he'll be lucky if he gets it in at least once a week.
We can't blame it all on the fellas.

4. Long distance relationship

Hoping not to hit a nerve with this one but its the truth. Couples who live far from each other and have a long distance relationship are likely to cheat because they need (that's what they say, they need) that physical touch. To men bussing a nut is not the same as a woman bussing a nut. There are very few women who can have sex with a guy and walk away without catching feelings, very few but guys can. The man in question can go from having sex with a random woman then go and skype his girlfriend like it never happened because a man's feelings and his penis are two separate beings. They're not associated. They both have a mind of their own. So if a couple is in a long distance relationship, the guy having sex with a random broad doesn't mean he doesn't love or care about her, he just needed a hit. Simples.

5. She tripped and fell on his d***

I'm yet to see a guy who will walk away from a butt naked woman standing in front of him and offering it to him on a platter. I didn't say they're not out there, I just said I'm yet to meet him. So if he's out there, I'd like to meet him and see which woman he xlaims to have turned down.

6. He's not ready for commitment

Now this guy probably has your best interests at heart and when getting into a relationship with you he probably doesn't realise that somewhere down the line he's gonna want to spread his wings and fly fly fly! If a man is not ready for commitment i.e to settle down, he's most probably going to cheat on you. An inexperienced man also falls in this bracket. I'm not saying that he's inexperienced as in he doesn't know what he's doing but what I mean is that if he hasn't had the opportunity to do what "guys do" somewhere down the line he's probably gonna want to. If he hasn't got it out of his system and said "Man, I'm tired of this. I'm ready to settle down" he's probably going to cheat because he's yet to experience all that, this also explains mid-life crisis, men who got married too young etc because these people will feel like they haven't lived their lives and human beings are selfish, they always look out for number one.

7. Other women

Don't get me started on this one. Oooh, this one gets me so mad it makes me wanna cut a bitch. My guess is you probably found out about my blog on facebook. Now look on your newsfeed, one of them bitches will probably sleep with your man. I call them bitches because anyone willing to sleep with someone else's man knowingly deserves to be called a bitch. If that's you, yes you're a bitch because you caused some woman some serious heartache. You made some woman lose sleep, appetite and all that shit that comes with being cheated. Hell, you probably made her lose her self esteem so yes, you are a bitch and I'll say it to your face too!
To all my good, moral having, self confident women; one of the reasons why men cheat is because women allow them to. They know he's got a woman at home and they don't care because they want him. This doesn't apply to those women who were lied to that the guy was single when he really wasn't. It's not their fault. He lied but those Alicia Keys' broads or mistresses, side chicks, jump offs whatever they wanna call themselves they are one of the main reasons why men cheat. Full stop.

8. You've forgiven him before

Good for you if you forgave your man for once cheating on you. With this point, not all men will repeat this if they truly learned their lesson and were truly remorseful. Sometimes it takes almost losing someone to understand and appreciate what you have and for some this is what it took and he will not cheat on you again because he knows what he felt and went through emotionally when he almost lost you.
But then there are those that feel because you forgave them, you'll forgive him again. Most common with men who'd have cheated more than once before and you forgave them. He's cheated on you, what three times now and all it takes is a bit of sweet talking, flowers and dinner to make you forgive him? He always tells you that he's never going to do it again and that he loves you and never meant to hurt you doesn't he? If that's so, why does he keep doing it?
Forgiving someone who has once cheated is a risk because they might do it again and you'll end up looking like a fool or they might not. Personal choice. Think smart. Do you.

9. She was there before you came along

Now this is an oldie but a goodie. There are some chicks who will always be the side chick. It's got nothing to do with you, you can be perfect and all of that but she's his side chick. That's the girl who helps your man out when you're mad at him. She's the one that helped him get along during courting days when you were holding on to your three month rule. Side chick will only get fired when he decides that he's done with her and cheating and just wants you because even if she has a man, the side chick is loyal to your man because they go way back. They have an understanding. She'll never call when you're around, send him raunchy sexts you might find because she knows her place. Hell, if he's brave enough he might just introduce you to her as his good friend just so that you don't get paranoid when she calls or he goes to her house. They're buddies remember, he told you about her!

10. You're boring as hell in bed

I mean c'mon do I really have to elaborate on this one? No one wants to make love to a corpse, move a little or that girl doing the stanky legg will be stanking on your man. Just saying.

11. They think they can get away with it

Men are not as dumb as they seem but they're not as smart as they think they are either. A man will not cheat on you if he thinks he's going to get caught. That'll be stupid and that means he's stupid and you don't want be with him anyway. Or he probably doesn't respect you so he doesn't care whether you find out or not but a man who actually cares about you will make sure that you have no chance of finding out if he's going to cheat on you.
Why would he cheat if he cares about you? Go back to the top and start reading again.
Basically if your man is feeling all of the above or none of the above he might cheat on you if the situation arises. For example if he goes to Beijing for work (I don't know why beijing, just go along with it) he's over there for two weeks and you're back at home taking care of the house and what have you. He's a man, he's horny and there are women around him ("$5 sucky sucky?" Nah, I'm kidding.) He might pay for it, he might pick it up in a bar or he might find it on the internet. Either way if he's going to cheat on you, how will you find out?

12. He's got a Facebook or Twitter account

There's a reason why Facebook is one of the leading reasons why people are divorcing. Its not because they're playing farmville or mafia wars. No no. Its because he's chatting to that girl he's mutual friends with his friend's friend. See my post on 'How Facebook stays ruining relationships.' This new age technology is a blessing and a curse. People are fighting, breaking up over this stuff and unfortunately there's so much temptation out there in the cyber world and men are going crazy. Have you seen someone's profile who has 1443 friends and wonder how since they're not famous but after looking at her pictures on Facebook and Twitter you understand? New age weakness. Smh.

I know there are loads more I've missed out, feel free to help a sister out. If it was up to me, it'll be abstinence for all!!! Later AVGB people!

May 11, 2011

What Women Need To Look For In A Man (from a guy's pov)



Editor note: So I got into this very "intellectual" conversation with my cousin's significant other on Facebook and to my surprise he has a hidden talent in blogging because he sent me the below post with no intention of being a blogger but just an insight into his mind and i loved it so i decided to share it with my ladies because who knows men better than a man himself?

This is not a generalization, it’s merely what I think my sister should look for in a guy. I wouldn’t say I am an expect in relationships neither am I vain enough to write about my personal attributes but we have all had our fair share of experiences so I decided to be as objective as possible.
It’s 12:30 pm and I am sitting in the office, just had a conversation with my girlfriend over the phone and it got me thinking as to why and if she would cheat on me? I mean we are human and anything is possible but then again the term human has been subjected intolerable behaviour being accepted under the notion I am not perfect I am only human! Of which I strongly disagree with merely because if you are human you should have the decency to respect other humans… I mean isn't that what being human is about?

Nonetheless, I wrote a list as to what could be the reasons she would cheat on me and instead of dwelling on why she would cheat… I focused on the positives why she would not cheat? Like I said am not an expert in relationships nor have I the slightest idea of what women want but I am far from timid and hence took the approach of “I would like my sister, to find this” I feel this approach would be more objective! (lol, he's so funny!)

There are no set rules to relationships as to how they work and how to make them work as each relationship is different; having a manual will be a waste of time but a guideline is easier to keep us on the right track. I have been made to watch a lot of Tyler Perry movies *side eye* and when I look at his films I really have to break it down into two parts: Tyler Perry the writer and Tyler Perry the producer. His writing relies mostly on stock characters, stereotypes and plot lines you can predict from a mile away and fortunately Perry has managed to work the system to his benefit, but unlike Perry I will not prey on how to spot the bad things in a relationship but give you 10 things to focus on and look out for.

How to know you have a good man:
If he has the following (but remember the best machines are fine tuned):

1. Humor

A guy who is able to laugh at himself and with you goes a long way as insignificant as you may think it is, it is imperative. The lack of humor in a relationship automatically creates a character change in one of the people in the relationship. And be honest everyone enjoys a good laugh it makes the thought of love easier.

2. Common ground

Opposites may attract but they don’t stick…lol! Truth is finding common ground is difficult but there should be stuff both of you love doing don’t get me wrong differences are good I mean they help us grow, learn and accept but remember “Polar opposites Possible disaster”

3. Communication

Comfortable silence, this is an art one can master only and when you know your partner and personally I give it about 5 yrs to achieve, if your relationship is less than 5yrs then you need to TALK… about anything or at least give an explanation as to why you're moody or sulking. This causes a lot of contemplating in a relationship and conclusions are quickly reached without a solid base which could be potential disaster i.e. starting an argument with an already irritate person, not wise.

4. Literacy

Yes, I am saying don’t date a stupid brother! Look at it this way, a man who can string together two coherent sentences is more likely to be able to converse intelligently or be able to converse at all. Be able to hold a job. Make a good impression on your parents and your friends.

5. Willingness to be corrected or take directions

This is a difficult one for most men but it says a lot as in it shows you whether or not you have a man who listens and gives your suggestions a try. Okay...how about pretend to seriously consider them?

6. Patience

A man who can wait for you no matter how late you are for dinner but still compliment. However don’t take the piss woman!

7. A man who is there

This is said in the most literal sense and it’s sad that in most relationships one only notices when it’s too late how “he” was always there when needed. This is a fundamental aspect as this is the reason why we are in relationships so as to never look for someone but to trust that we have a solider by our side every time.

8. Goal Driven

I'm so ambitious now but be very careful about misinterpreting this attribute. There is a man who dreams and goes to sleep! And then there is a man who actually tries and is a go getter. That's the man you're looking for. (refer to my post for 'signs you're dealing with a wasteman.')

9. Kind, Helpful, and Generous

He doesn't need to be rich. He doesn't even need to be flush (although remembering to is always a plus). But the willingness to share, help and be genuinely open with everybody that he interacts with.

10. Accountability

This goes along with loyalty, honesty, fidelity and respect. He needs to be accountable to the people in his life. This includes his children, his and your friends and especially you. He needs to be accountable to them.

So what d'you think ladies have I found myself a male opinion writer to all our problems and troubles? Was he right or did he just chat alot of bull?