Editor note: So I got into this very "intellectual" conversation with my cousin's significant other on Facebook and to my surprise he has a hidden talent in blogging because he sent me the below post with no intention of being a blogger but just an insight into his mind and i loved it so i decided to share it with my ladies because who knows men better than a man himself?
This is not a generalization, it’s merely what I think my sister should look for in a guy. I wouldn’t say I am an expect in relationships neither am I vain enough to write about my personal attributes but we have all had our fair share of experiences so I decided to be as objective as possible.
It’s 12:30 pm and I am sitting in the office, just had a conversation with my girlfriend over the phone and it got me thinking as to why and if she would cheat on me? I mean we are human and anything is possible but then again the term human has been subjected intolerable behaviour being accepted under the notion I am not perfect I am only human! Of which I strongly disagree with merely because if you are human you should have the decency to respect other humans… I mean isn't that what being human is about?
Nonetheless, I wrote a list as to what could be the reasons she would cheat on me and instead of dwelling on why she would cheat… I focused on the positives why she would not cheat? Like I said am not an expert in relationships nor have I the slightest idea of what women want but I am far from timid and hence took the approach of “I would like my sister, to find this” I feel this approach would be more objective! (lol, he's so funny!)
There are no set rules to relationships as to how they work and how to make them work as each relationship is different; having a manual will be a waste of time but a guideline is easier to keep us on the right track. I have been made to watch a lot of Tyler Perry movies *side eye* and when I look at his films I really have to break it down into two parts: Tyler Perry the writer and Tyler Perry the producer. His writing relies mostly on stock characters, stereotypes and plot lines you can predict from a mile away and fortunately Perry has managed to work the system to his benefit, but unlike Perry I will not prey on how to spot the bad things in a relationship but give you 10 things to focus on and look out for.
How to know you have a good man:
If he has the following (but remember the best machines are fine tuned):
1. Humor
A guy who is able to laugh at himself and with you goes a long way as insignificant as you may think it is, it is imperative. The lack of humor in a relationship automatically creates a character change in one of the people in the relationship. And be honest everyone enjoys a good laugh it makes the thought of love easier.
2. Common ground
Opposites may attract but they don’t stick…lol! Truth is finding common ground is difficult but there should be stuff both of you love doing don’t get me wrong differences are good I mean they help us grow, learn and accept but remember “Polar opposites Possible disaster”
3. Communication
Comfortable silence, this is an art one can master only and when you know your partner and personally I give it about 5 yrs to achieve, if your relationship is less than 5yrs then you need to TALK… about anything or at least give an explanation as to why you're moody or sulking. This causes a lot of contemplating in a relationship and conclusions are quickly reached without a solid base which could be potential disaster i.e. starting an argument with an already irritate person, not wise.
4. Literacy
Yes, I am saying don’t date a stupid brother! Look at it this way, a man who can string together two coherent sentences is more likely to be able to converse intelligently or be able to converse at all. Be able to hold a job. Make a good impression on your parents and your friends.
5. Willingness to be corrected or take directions
This is a difficult one for most men but it says a lot as in it shows you whether or not you have a man who listens and gives your suggestions a try. Okay...how about pretend to seriously consider them?
6. Patience
A man who can wait for you no matter how late you are for dinner but still compliment. However don’t take the piss woman!
7. A man who is there
This is said in the most literal sense and it’s sad that in most relationships one only notices when it’s too late how “he” was always there when needed. This is a fundamental aspect as this is the reason why we are in relationships so as to never look for someone but to trust that we have a solider by our side every time.
8. Goal Driven
I'm so ambitious now but be very careful about misinterpreting this attribute. There is a man who dreams and goes to sleep! And then there is a man who actually tries and is a go getter. That's the man you're looking for. (refer to my post for 'signs you're dealing with a wasteman.')
9. Kind, Helpful, and Generous
He doesn't need to be rich. He doesn't even need to be flush (although remembering to is always a plus). But the willingness to share, help and be genuinely open with everybody that he interacts with.
10. Accountability
This goes along with loyalty, honesty, fidelity and respect. He needs to be accountable to the people in his life. This includes his children, his and your friends and especially you. He needs to be accountable to them.
So what d'you think ladies have I found myself a male opinion writer to all our problems and troubles? Was he right or did he just chat alot of bull?
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