Monogamy The Myth

The idea of writing this post came to me after one of my best friends confessed to me that she had cheated on her long term boyfriend because they were going through some problems. She is not the first or last I wasn't surprised because frankly nothing really surprises me. In truth I really did not want to blog about this because my thoughts and rationalisations do not par with an average human being's therefore I'm considered weird; I also feared getting stoned to death every time I walked down the street or worse get hate mail but after witnessing a lot of people cheating behind their spouses' back it made me question this thing called monogamy so before you start gathering your sticks and stones please hear me out.

First of all, let me make something clear I'm a woman and I love monogamy. I love that whole union of two people loving each other and sharing spaghetti and meatballs, holding hands whilst taking long walks in the park and going through the good and bad times together but lets face it one of the bad times that you might have to go through is dealing with your partner cheating. This is not limited to women because as much as men cheat, women cheat too. Many relationships have ended because someone has cheated, some people forgive and some people don't but at the end of the day someone might cheat. "They" say that in every marriage someone has cheated or someone will cheat, which led me to think that maybe monogamy is just a myth and it actually does not exist. I'm not a cynic but a realist and if the stats of cheating are that high then why do we keep pushing monogamy, don't get me wrong I will bust someones windows if they cheated on me.

 "Science" says that women are naturally monogamous, however men are not. I say BS! Monogamy is a choice that men and women make. You can't tell me that just because you are a man you are not able to be faithful. We don't believe you, you need more people! In my opinion monogamy is a societal requirement because if it was natural for human beings to be monogamous then why do so many people cheat? Why is that in 7 out of 10 relationships that I have witnessed someone has cheated or has been cheated on? Why is it that each and everyone that is going to read this post would have been cheated on or have cheated? So the scientists say that it is natural for men to be promiscuous, I can bet that scientist was a man who wanted a poor excuse to cheat on his wife. I know a lot of women who have cheated or have contemplated cheating for various reasons because someones decision to cheat differs from one individual to the next.

As human beings if we are not content or satisfied with a particular area in our lives we try and change it and when it comes to relationships our eyes start to wonder. Morally and out of respect for your significant other you might not cheat but the thought will cross your mind. Some people choose to remain monogamous for different reasons and that is commendable because in remaining faithful you are saving someone from a lot 808 and heartbreak. Let's face it, if you are in a monogamous relationship and you have not cheated and do not intend on cheating on your significant other it's because you don't want to. It's got nothing to do with it not being in you, you might think that it's not in you because of your values and the way you were raised but ultimately it is your choice. If I have everything I want in a relationship and I am content I will not cheat, I choose not to because I do not need to. There is no point in risking losing someone for a cheap thrill but that's only because I will be choosing to remain monogamous.

A wise man once said that one of the reasons why a man might remain faithful to his wife is if what he has to lose is greater than the booty he's about to receive or if his beliefs go against being unfaithful. I'm not going to discuss the reasons why men cheat in this article because that's not what this post is about, its about all of us. I am not condoning cheating because I do not agree with the act, all I am saying is if you find yourself in a situation where you have been cheated on try and analyse the situation to see if it's worth forgiving and working things out because it might really just be a mistake or a moment of weakness. For those like myself who find it a bit challenging to forgive someone who would have cheated on me because every time I see them, I'll get a picture. You know the picture I'm talking about. That picture when you imagine them and the other person... yes, that picture. I honestly believe that when you get this picture it's involuntary because no one wants to see that! The problem with me is that I get a full length movie in my head, not a picture so I never have a choice but to let things go. If you also find yourself in a situation where you are tempted to cheat think about the heartbreak you might cause the other person and hopefully that might change your mind. As much as I believe that monogamy is a choice it's one of the greatest choices one can make because when you really love someone you do not want to see them hurt or if you are dating someone crazy they might just go Jazmine Sullivan on you.

The Race Issue

There have been so many things going on in the world hasn't there while I hibernated away from my blog? From Mark Duggan, the riots, Wayne Rooney getting hair plugs, Basketball Wives, work (I don't even want to get into that) the list is endless. I would love to get into all of these but I got a few things to say about something else; black women. Yes, us.

I recently came back from holiday with my girls. We went to some European destination to get some sun, sea and sand, perhaps a little holiday romance for some of my single friends. When we got there we were disappointed at the lack of black men. There were none. Well, there were like five but they don't really count because well... they don't. I was amazed however at my girlfriends' unwilliness to bend or at least consider the white man, myself included but I'm taken so I don't count. So it made me wonder; why is that black women are so uncompromising when it comes to dating another race?

Eve's swirling!

I love black men, don't get me wrong and I was one of those women who dated nothing but black men but if you really think about it we are limiting ourselves A LOT by waiting solely for them. In this day and age it's cool to be black and unfortunately for us black women every other race wants to be with a black man too. Of course there are those that would rather stick to their own race or date anything but a black man but the reality of the situation is there is a lot of jungle fever going on out there. Black men are not limiting themselves to us so why do we continue to limit ourselves to them? What we continue to do is throw shade at an interracial couple, not all of us because some have gotten used to seeing ebony and ivory look walking down Oxford Street.

Did I ever mention that I got cheated on with a white girl? He says she wasn't white but she looked hella white to me! Anyway, I'm over it. I am. Seriously. I'm over it. I don't know why I'm going on about it but its fine. Karma is a bitch anyway and he got his. *kanye shrug* 

If she ain't black, she's white

In other news, have you noticed how happy a black woman in an interracial relationship is? They always look happy, sound happy. Walking down the street looking all chirpy and happy. I'm not saying that black women are not happy with black men, they are. I have friends that are happily married, engaged or dating a black man. The point I'm trying to put across is that we can also find happiness in other races not just black. I have three aunts who are married to white men, they're happy and although we have this notion that there will be a culture barrier and they will not be able to understand how we do things etc but when someone is serious about you they will try and understand how your culture is and most of the time people are intrigued and want to learn more. He knows you are not white.

I do admire our hope and faith in our black men that we will find our knight in shining Armani but the statistics are not our side ladies. We currently have the highest rate of single women, this is not because we are loud, have high expectations, an attitude or any other stereotype thrown at us; it's because we have a shortage of good black men. It is a known fact that there are more women than men, also known fact that there is a shortage of good men, another fact is that there is a shortage of good black men. If every other race including us is going after black men and they are not going after the 'wasteman' they want the cream of the crop too, black men end up having a wider variety of who to choose from and unfortunately we're not always at the top of their list.

So I say to you my fellow black women, let us love our men and let us also venture out to see what else is out there. A man is a man and a black man is a man with a strong tan, he's blessed (not all of them), and gosh he is just beautiful. Then again so is Channing Tatum, Paul Walker, Wentworth Miller and Hrithik Roshan. Just saying.

12 Reasons Why Men Cheat?

I got inspired to write this after watching Man and Wife on youtube and also reading Steve Harvey's Act like a lady, think like a man. So I did a bit more research and visited my frequent male authored blogs vsb, blackgrilsareeasy and brotherswithnogame and compiled a list.

A few people had asked me to do a post on 'Signs that he's cheating' but I don't need to do that because its plain and simple. Use your intuition. We were blessed with something men weren't. When something is wrong we feel it so follow that feeling. If you think your man is cheating he probably is so when that time comes get your detective hat on and do some investigating. I might just do a post on this after all.

Anyway, Steve Harvey's book is a must have for every woman and most hated book by most men because Steve really goes in on them!

I think this is one question that gets us women all riled up and confused because really it doesn't make sense because if he loves and caers about you why on earth would he cheat? What I learnt is that men are simple. So simple they're complicated because us (women) are complicated creatures therefore we over think things. So what I'm going to do is combine the reasons I've got from my research and add a bit of explanation to it. Remember, don't over think it. It is as it is. Men are simple. End of.

1. Because they can.

First and foremost this is the one reason that makes me wanna get a mack 10, sniper rifle, shot gun every kind of weapon you can think and eliminate all men (apart from my daddy he's perfect) is this reason. "What the f- d'you mean because they can?" Yep, that was my exact reaction. Because they can??? Who gave them the right to cheat? Who told them they can go out and cheat on us women, cause heartbreak and what have you?The answer is simple. There's nothing you or I can do if your man wants to cheat on you. Nothing. Confiscate his phone, get his passwords, put a damn tracker on his car but if that man wants to cheat, he will.
Ok, let's calm down before we move on cos I'm getting a bit mad myself over here.
*yoga instructor voice* breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Gooood.

Ready? Let's move on.

2. He's bored and wants excitement

Relationships get boring sometimes, let's face it. After being with someone for a long time you're not as excited to be with them as you were in the beginning. Its not your fault, its human nature *tell them that it's human nature.*
Anyway, I think this one applies to both men and women because we get bored too and stray because we want excitement but this is not about us, its about them!
I don't think I need to elaborate too much on this one, its pretty self-explanatory.

3. You ain't doing it like you used to

When you first got together you were swinging from chandeliers, wearing 6 inch heels, frequenting Ann Summers to buy sexy thangs but now he'll be lucky if he gets a kiss. You just want to get it done and over with. You're wearing your headscarf as soon as you get in, wearing that big ol' t-shirt you got in that 2005 goodie bag when you went to that festival. Your razor is rusting because you haven't shaved your legs, arms or bikini line since last summer and you smell of food and baby sick and he'll be lucky if he gets it in at least once a week.
We can't blame it all on the fellas.

4. Long distance relationship

Hoping not to hit a nerve with this one but its the truth. Couples who live far from each other and have a long distance relationship are likely to cheat because they need (that's what they say, they need) that physical touch. To men bussing a nut is not the same as a woman bussing a nut. There are very few women who can have sex with a guy and walk away without catching feelings, very few but guys can. The man in question can go from having sex with a random woman then go and skype his girlfriend like it never happened because a man's feelings and his penis are two separate beings. They're not associated. They both have a mind of their own. So if a couple is in a long distance relationship, the guy having sex with a random broad doesn't mean he doesn't love or care about her, he just needed a hit. Simples.

5. She tripped and fell on his d***

I'm yet to see a guy who will walk away from a butt naked woman standing in front of him and offering it to him on a platter. I didn't say they're not out there, I just said I'm yet to meet him. So if he's out there, I'd like to meet him and see which woman he xlaims to have turned down.

6. He's not ready for commitment

Now this guy probably has your best interests at heart and when getting into a relationship with you he probably doesn't realise that somewhere down the line he's gonna want to spread his wings and fly fly fly! If a man is not ready for commitment i.e to settle down, he's most probably going to cheat on you. An inexperienced man also falls in this bracket. I'm not saying that he's inexperienced as in he doesn't know what he's doing but what I mean is that if he hasn't had the opportunity to do what "guys do" somewhere down the line he's probably gonna want to. If he hasn't got it out of his system and said "Man, I'm tired of this. I'm ready to settle down" he's probably going to cheat because he's yet to experience all that, this also explains mid-life crisis, men who got married too young etc because these people will feel like they haven't lived their lives and human beings are selfish, they always look out for number one.

7. Other women

Don't get me started on this one. Oooh, this one gets me so mad it makes me wanna cut a bitch. My guess is you probably found out about my blog on facebook. Now look on your newsfeed, one of them bitches will probably sleep with your man. I call them bitches because anyone willing to sleep with someone else's man knowingly deserves to be called a bitch. If that's you, yes you're a bitch because you caused some woman some serious heartache. You made some woman lose sleep, appetite and all that shit that comes with being cheated. Hell, you probably made her lose her self esteem so yes, you are a bitch and I'll say it to your face too!
To all my good, moral having, self confident women; one of the reasons why men cheat is because women allow them to. They know he's got a woman at home and they don't care because they want him. This doesn't apply to those women who were lied to that the guy was single when he really wasn't. It's not their fault. He lied but those Alicia Keys' broads or mistresses, side chicks, jump offs whatever they wanna call themselves they are one of the main reasons why men cheat. Full stop.

8. You've forgiven him before

Good for you if you forgave your man for once cheating on you. With this point, not all men will repeat this if they truly learned their lesson and were truly remorseful. Sometimes it takes almost losing someone to understand and appreciate what you have and for some this is what it took and he will not cheat on you again because he knows what he felt and went through emotionally when he almost lost you.
But then there are those that feel because you forgave them, you'll forgive him again. Most common with men who'd have cheated more than once before and you forgave them. He's cheated on you, what three times now and all it takes is a bit of sweet talking, flowers and dinner to make you forgive him? He always tells you that he's never going to do it again and that he loves you and never meant to hurt you doesn't he? If that's so, why does he keep doing it?
Forgiving someone who has once cheated is a risk because they might do it again and you'll end up looking like a fool or they might not. Personal choice. Think smart. Do you.

9. She was there before you came along

Now this is an oldie but a goodie. There are some chicks who will always be the side chick. It's got nothing to do with you, you can be perfect and all of that but she's his side chick. That's the girl who helps your man out when you're mad at him. She's the one that helped him get along during courting days when you were holding on to your three month rule. Side chick will only get fired when he decides that he's done with her and cheating and just wants you because even if she has a man, the side chick is loyal to your man because they go way back. They have an understanding. She'll never call when you're around, send him raunchy sexts you might find because she knows her place. Hell, if he's brave enough he might just introduce you to her as his good friend just so that you don't get paranoid when she calls or he goes to her house. They're buddies remember, he told you about her!

10. You're boring as hell in bed

I mean c'mon do I really have to elaborate on this one? No one wants to make love to a corpse, move a little or that girl doing the stanky legg will be stanking on your man. Just saying.

11. They think they can get away with it

Men are not as dumb as they seem but they're not as smart as they think they are either. A man will not cheat on you if he thinks he's going to get caught. That'll be stupid and that means he's stupid and you don't want be with him anyway. Or he probably doesn't respect you so he doesn't care whether you find out or not but a man who actually cares about you will make sure that you have no chance of finding out if he's going to cheat on you.
Why would he cheat if he cares about you? Go back to the top and start reading again.
Basically if your man is feeling all of the above or none of the above he might cheat on you if the situation arises. For example if he goes to Beijing for work (I don't know why beijing, just go along with it) he's over there for two weeks and you're back at home taking care of the house and what have you. He's a man, he's horny and there are women around him ("$5 sucky sucky?" Nah, I'm kidding.) He might pay for it, he might pick it up in a bar or he might find it on the internet. Either way if he's going to cheat on you, how will you find out?

12. He's got a Facebook or Twitter account

There's a reason why Facebook is one of the leading reasons why people are divorcing. Its not because they're playing farmville or mafia wars. No no. Its because he's chatting to that girl he's mutual friends with his friend's friend. See my post on 'How Facebook stays ruining relationships.' This new age technology is a blessing and a curse. People are fighting, breaking up over this stuff and unfortunately there's so much temptation out there in the cyber world and men are going crazy. Have you seen someone's profile who has 1443 friends and wonder how since they're not famous but after looking at her pictures on Facebook and Twitter you understand? New age weakness. Smh.

I know there are loads more I've missed out, feel free to help a sister out. If it was up to me, it'll be abstinence for all!!! Later AVGB people!

What Women Need To Look For In A Man (from a guy's pov)

Editor note: So I got into this very "intellectual" conversation with my cousin's significant other on Facebook and to my surprise he has a hidden talent in blogging because he sent me the below post with no intention of being a blogger but just an insight into his mind and i loved it so i decided to share it with my ladies because who knows men better than a man himself?

This is not a generalization, it’s merely what I think my sister should look for in a guy. I wouldn’t say I am an expect in relationships neither am I vain enough to write about my personal attributes but we have all had our fair share of experiences so I decided to be as objective as possible.
It’s 12:30 pm and I am sitting in the office, just had a conversation with my girlfriend over the phone and it got me thinking as to why and if she would cheat on me? I mean we are human and anything is possible but then again the term human has been subjected intolerable behaviour being accepted under the notion I am not perfect I am only human! Of which I strongly disagree with merely because if you are human you should have the decency to respect other humans… I mean isn't that what being human is about?

Nonetheless, I wrote a list as to what could be the reasons she would cheat on me and instead of dwelling on why she would cheat… I focused on the positives why she would not cheat? Like I said am not an expert in relationships nor have I the slightest idea of what women want but I am far from timid and hence took the approach of “I would like my sister, to find this” I feel this approach would be more objective! (lol, he's so funny!)

There are no set rules to relationships as to how they work and how to make them work as each relationship is different; having a manual will be a waste of time but a guideline is easier to keep us on the right track. I have been made to watch a lot of Tyler Perry movies *side eye* and when I look at his films I really have to break it down into two parts: Tyler Perry the writer and Tyler Perry the producer. His writing relies mostly on stock characters, stereotypes and plot lines you can predict from a mile away and fortunately Perry has managed to work the system to his benefit, but unlike Perry I will not prey on how to spot the bad things in a relationship but give you 10 things to focus on and look out for.

How to know you have a good man:
If he has the following (but remember the best machines are fine tuned):

1. Humor

A guy who is able to laugh at himself and with you goes a long way as insignificant as you may think it is, it is imperative. The lack of humor in a relationship automatically creates a character change in one of the people in the relationship. And be honest everyone enjoys a good laugh it makes the thought of love easier.

2. Common ground

Opposites may attract but they don’t stick…lol! Truth is finding common ground is difficult but there should be stuff both of you love doing don’t get me wrong differences are good I mean they help us grow, learn and accept but remember “Polar opposites Possible disaster”

3. Communication

Comfortable silence, this is an art one can master only and when you know your partner and personally I give it about 5 yrs to achieve, if your relationship is less than 5yrs then you need to TALK… about anything or at least give an explanation as to why you're moody or sulking. This causes a lot of contemplating in a relationship and conclusions are quickly reached without a solid base which could be potential disaster i.e. starting an argument with an already irritate person, not wise.

4. Literacy

Yes, I am saying don’t date a stupid brother! Look at it this way, a man who can string together two coherent sentences is more likely to be able to converse intelligently or be able to converse at all. Be able to hold a job. Make a good impression on your parents and your friends.

5. Willingness to be corrected or take directions

This is a difficult one for most men but it says a lot as in it shows you whether or not you have a man who listens and gives your suggestions a try. Okay...how about pretend to seriously consider them?

6. Patience

A man who can wait for you no matter how late you are for dinner but still compliment. However don’t take the piss woman!

7. A man who is there

This is said in the most literal sense and it’s sad that in most relationships one only notices when it’s too late how “he” was always there when needed. This is a fundamental aspect as this is the reason why we are in relationships so as to never look for someone but to trust that we have a solider by our side every time.

8. Goal Driven

I'm so ambitious now but be very careful about misinterpreting this attribute. There is a man who dreams and goes to sleep! And then there is a man who actually tries and is a go getter. That's the man you're looking for. (refer to my post for 'signs you're dealing with a wasteman.')

9. Kind, Helpful, and Generous

He doesn't need to be rich. He doesn't even need to be flush (although remembering to is always a plus). But the willingness to share, help and be genuinely open with everybody that he interacts with.

10. Accountability

This goes along with loyalty, honesty, fidelity and respect. He needs to be accountable to the people in his life. This includes his children, his and your friends and especially you. He needs to be accountable to them.

So what d'you think ladies have I found myself a male opinion writer to all our problems and troubles? Was he right or did he just chat alot of bull?

How Facebook Stays Ruining Relationships

Oh, how I miss the good ol' days when all we had were house phones and letters. If you wanted to talk to someone you would call their house phone or if they didn't have a phone you'd write them a letter. Oh, how I miss the good ol' days!
These days we have email, texts, mobile phones, MSN, BBM, Facebook the list is endless...I've sat down many times trying to figure out why Facebook has differed itself from face-pic, hi5, myspace even though all these social networking sites had their similarities; I cannot comprehend how Facebook has managed to destroy 1 in 5 relationships.

The below mentioned reasons are just a few as to why many relationship are suffering because of Mark Zuckerberg. Being on Facebook is like having a side-piece your potential boyfriend/girlfriend is aware of them but is cool with because you're not official yet. The best decision is once you get into a relationship is to cut them off because they will ruin your relationship.

1. Attention whores

Facebook and Twitter have now been bombarded by these attention whores (not limited to women) who pose half naked on their profile pics showing their titties and asses. Who cares? A man does. Bottom line, a man is a man and when a half naked female requests him to be his friend chances are his probably going to accept the request. Something that's not amusing to the girlfriend. Salt is added to the wound when we find out that you don't even know this girl, you just have a mutual friend so you felt you had to add her. No, that's not how it works, think about how your significant other would feel seeing that on your profile. Use your head!

2. Wall posts and comments

The infamous Facebook wall. Soooo much damage can be done when someone posts on your wall or comments on your status or picture. Private jokes that you shared and sexual innuendos are unacceptable because as humans we tend to be jealous, without even trying. Granted, you can not control what people write on your wall but what you say to the comment or do not say is what might get you into trouble. We can't help it if a girl writes 'hi papi, miss you' and we feel like choking her better yet, choking you for replying 'you joker, miss you  too!' She might be Latina but she surely don't look Latina to me! Why is she calling you by a pet name and why is she missing you?

Isn't it normal to miss your friends anymore? Not on Facebook it's not!

3. Relationship Status

I can't think of how many arguments I have witnessed over relationship statuses.

The conversation might go a little like this:

"Why is your status still saying single?"

"Why have you not accepted my relationship request?"

"Why is there nothing on your relationship status?"

"Why did you remove your relationship status or changed it to single? Are you single? Is there something you're not telling me? Who's that ho you added yesterday? Is that why you removed your relationship status?"

Too many arguments have taken place regarding this issue. To those who do not understand why this is a big deal. Let me break it down for you.

4. The Ex Invasion

The unwritten rules of Facebook whilst in a relationship go like this:
i) Once you are in a new relationship you must delete your ex from your friends.
Now, I understand that some people are cool with their exes and if your new girlfriend/boyfriend is fine with you having them as your friend while they write up and down your wall. Comment every time you post a new profile picture or poke you every now and then, then cool. Do your thing. To the rest of us, your ex is an enemy. We do not appreciate any friendly contact between you and them.  I don't care what you think! *Kanye shrug*
ii) Photos of you two together
We know you used to be together. We have accepted it and put it at the back of our minds. However, one of those days when I'm bored i might want to go through your Facebook pictures and the last thing I want to see is pictures of you and your ex. It is the same as having her picture in your living room or bedroom wall.

5. 500 friends and 450 of them are of the opposite sex

It's a social network right? So technically adding people is part of networking, you never know who knows who and how they can be helpful to you in the future. Right? No. This clause is also in the attention whores family because what are you doing adding people you don't know every single day and all of them just happened to be of the opposite sex. Because adding people of the same sex would be suspect, right? *Rolling my eyes*
If you are a woman/man in a committed relationship the last thing you should be prioritising is adding half naked men or women onto your profile especially if you don't know them because your intentions will become unclear to your significant other no matter how innocent you think it is. It doesn't look that way.

6. 'Like'-ing the wrong page

When you're in the a relationship the last page you should 'like' is Can't stop thinking about my ex. There are many funny pages on Facebook to like but always be conscience of which pages you like because they might send the wrong message.

7. Getting 'tagged' in the wrong picture at the wrong place and time

Perhaps you had told your s/o that you were just gonna stay in and watch football. I'm not much a footie fan so I wouldn't know that kick off time for football on Saturday is 12.45 and 3pm so I'd believe you. Come Sunday and I log onto Facebook and who do I see tagged? Your ass, acting a fool popping champagne in the club, hugged up with 2 girls. Not a good look.

8. Deleting your significant other's tag/comment

Take about slap in the face! hypothetically, if I tag my significant other in my photo because we look cute or I write a lovey-dovey message on his wall and he happened to delete it. WTF?! Are you having a laugh? I'd love to hear the reason for this one because there is nothing that will make your significant other feel like the sticky s**t underneath your shoe if you delete something they tagged you in or a comment they'd have posted for you because that's just rude.

9. Getting cropped out of the picture

Cropping someone out of your profile picture is not so much of a big deal because it is your profile so you don't have any obligation to put someone else on it but if you tend to crop your girlfriend/boyfriend out of every picture posted they might think you are trying to hide them and its not very nice is it especially when all your other friends are in your pictures but them.

10. Facebook Chat and Inbox

This is for those who are unfortute enough to have shared their Facebook password with their partners or just dumb enough not to log out of their account after using it and then get caught out with incriminating messages either to your friends or to someone you know you should not be talking to. Make it a habit to log off when you have finished using your Facebook account


Of course there's only one way to avoid all these problems occuring in your relationship, be honest with each other and if you know that your account attracts the opposite sex like moth to a flame, deactivate your account and have a peaceful life. Seriously.

So good people of AVG Blog are there any other reasons why Facebook has ruined relationships? Perhaps yours or a "friend's" and would like to share.

10 Signs You Are Dealing With A "Wasteman"

I'm going to keep it real with you guys. I'm 24 years old in two weeks and *in Bernie Mac's voice* I ain't got time for no foolishness. I'm old, my body weary so I'm going to share with you some signs that you might be dealing with a wasteman who ain't about nothing.

*thinks to self* I don't know why I always sound American when I'm writing... weird.

Anyway, I have met a lot of brothers (not limited to black men) who haven't got anything going on for themselves. No, they are not victim of circumstances so stop defending them! Or perhaps you are not sure what a wasteman is and if the guy that's trying to spit game falls into this category, well I'm going to break it down for you. These signs are not limited to men but to women as well because there are some girls out there whose ambitions are to become a WAG in my opinion that's a waste.

1. Mr When I Grow Up 
He has ambitions of being successful but if you ask him what hes doing about it he has no plan. This guy wants to own a Bentley, Rolls Royce and retire at 35 which is amazing because we all love an ambitious man but when you ask him what he's doing to achieve this goal he tells you that he's going to be an entrepreneur. Doing what? He doesn't know, all he knows is that hes going to be a rich entrepreneur doing something that gives him a lot of money. (I have actually heard this before and dude thought he was impressing me.) I swear any Tom, Dick and Harry are now calling them self an entrepreneur and when you ask them what their annual turn over is you might as well be speaking Cantonese!

2. Mr No Ambition
He has no five year plan. Any man worth his salt knows where he wants to be in five years. I'm not talking about a vague idea but a concrete plan of whats in year one, two, five etc. Whether he succeeds in doing this in five years is another thing but at least he has a plan. He knows where he wants to be and is working hard to get there. A wasteman lives by the day, he doesn't care what hes doing in five years and frankly doesn't show much creativity in planning something. He is fine being a cashier or sales assistant at 25 and does not have any higher hopes of being anything bigger or better than that.

3. Mr On The Dole
I understand that we all fall into hard times every now and then and have to make that trip to the Jobcentre to sign on in order for you to receive those few pounds every fortnight which is cool. The job market is tough at the moment and there's such a large number of unemployed people that you have to take pity. Mr On The Dole however has no plans of getting a job. He is fine staying at home and scratching his balls while making that trip to the Jobcentre every fortnight to collect his JSA. When that cheque clears on Friday he spends his day in Ladbrokes or the pub. He also has the cheek to ask his Personal Advisor when his due for his New Deal card n order for him to get discounted travel. No pride whatsoever! Wasteman.

4. Mr Forever Young
He loves kids, especially the young ones. No, hes not a paedophile just a really enthusiastic adult who connects well the younger crowd. He has no job and he hangs around kids around the age of 10-15 to show them the ropes so he will pick them up and hang out with them probably have them push him on the swings or something. In his head what he's doing is perfectly fine and when the street lights come on, they all pack up their stuff and make their way to his mama's house where he still has naked women posters on his wall.
You might also caught Mr Forever Young couped up in his bedroom playing COD Black Ops all day on XBox Live or PS3. Get a job!

5. Mr Weezy F Baby
The difference between Weezy F Baby and Mr Weezy F Baby is that the latter is broke. How this man manages to have multiple baby mamas is beyond me. I'm referring to both. I will not get into Lil Wayne's situation because thats a whole new post which baffles me as to how this man can have a baby by Nivea and Lauren London at the same time... HOW???? Anyway, your Weezy seems to have game like Wayne but unlike Wanye he's wallet is not as heavy. He acknowledges having 4 baby mamas but doesn't take care of them and when asked he says he is not sure that the babies are his. Really? Are you really that good that four women will try and claim you to be their baby daddy when you don't even have a job?
Mr Weezy might also come in the form of Tyrese in Baby Boy. Some poor woman happened to fall in love with his no good self and can;t get rid of him. He spends his days driving around in her car, eating her food and bringing other women to their house to spend time while she's at work and he doesn't even pay any bills! Take care of your responsibilities you wasteman!

6. Mr X6 living with his mama
You ever seen a dude rolling around in his 60 reg Range Rover or 645i convertible tinted and all that and you think he's gotta have his life on point. He must have a good job, bachelor pad etc, but no. Beautiful car? check. Good job? check. Bachelor pad? ...No. He still lives at home with his mama in a council estate in Peckham and dude is just shy of 30 years old. What are you doing? Get a modest car and move out of your mum's house!

7. Mr Conspiracy Theorist
Mr Conspiracy Theory believes it's him against the world. He didn't get that job because they're racist. Eh, no it was because you showed up wearing jeans sagging down to your knees. He did not get the job because during an interview the employer ask you what experience you had and you replied: "Shiiiit, man's trying to do his ting innit?" and you kept using the 's' word and 'f' word when they asked you a question you didn't have an answer to. Get over yourself and learn to talk properly and buy some trousers and shirt. Lack of money is not an excuse, go to Primark!

8. Mr. Endorsements
No, he's not a ball player or a celebrity and he really doesn't have any endorsements he's just really cheap that you will think T-Mobile is paying him for his persist use for that one brand.

Here's an example of how a conversation with Mr. Endorsements might go:

Him: Mans feeling you innit. You're nice, like. 
Girl: *giggles* Thank you
Him: So what you saying, you gon' give man your digits?
Girl: You gon' call me?
Him: Yeahhhh, so what, you're on T-Mobile yeah?
Girl: *Blank stare*

There are so many words I would share with this dude at this point but some wasteman are just not worth it. This is not the only case that Mr Endorsements is guilty of. He also comes in the form bringing vouchers to McDonald's on your first date, not calling you but just text because he doesn't have credit but unlimited texts.

I know I've left out some signs for a wasteman so help me out or was there one I put up that you wouldn't agree to be a wasteman quality? Ladies and gentlemen of AVG Blog, help me out!

5 Things You Should Have In Common Before Getting Into A Relationship

I know they say opposites attract, yada yada yada but the truth is if you are very different from your significant other your relationship is going to go through some challenges. The problem is that many of these problems are not out in the open when you get in the relationship and they come up later or if they are; you are so infatuated that you think you can deal with it until the honeymoon period is over then reality hits.
So I've thought about this long and hard and decided to share with you, my beloved some things you should sit down and consider before you get into a relationship with someone to avoid future heartache when one of you decides to opt out because it'll be too much they cannot handle.

1. Religious Beliefs

This is one of the things that do not seem like a big deal at the beginning because most of the time you don't discuss religious beliefs unless either of you is really religious and even if you do you don't think of how it might affect your relationship in the future. A Christian can go out with a Muslim until it comes a time where someone has to convert. A practising Christian can not have a long term relationship with an atheist and ultimately a Jehovah's Witness cannot be with someone who loves Christmas and birthdays. These 'minor' details do not seem grand when you're at the beginning of a relationship but will cause big problems somewhere down the line when you have decided to jump the broom or add some kiddies into your lives.

2. Friends with exes

Some people are cool with this and some people are not. I, on the other hand am not. I just don't see how someone can be OK with their significant other being "friends" which is a lie because they are not really friends with someone they used to spoon and fork. How??? So all of a sudden you don't feel like spooning or forking them you just "friends" because you broke up? Yeah, right.
But for those who are a bit more understanding than I am then there are no problems when you're cuddling up with your significant other and they get a call from the "friend" who's car has broken down on the M25; needs their help and has to leave you at 10.30 at night to go help them out and doesn't come back until 4.30am. Friends right? OK.

3. Opposite sex friends

In this day and age I've come to accept that we will have friends of the opposite sex. Strictly platonic (sometimes) and this is a topic I don't have issues with because one of my best buds is a guy and I would never in a million years think of him as anything else. Yep, he's in the friend zone so I'm totally understanding when my significant has female friends. I am not so understanding however when he has hundreds of female friends. If you look at his Facebook or Blackberry Messenger and 80% of those friends are women then he's a friendly guy and if the same applies for the young lady with 80% male friends, then she's friendly too. So in this situation if your potential significant other has a hundred friends of the opposite sex and you are fine with the situation then do you but if you know in yourself before you even get into a relationship with them that you are not keen on having a significant other who is more popular than Kim Kardashian and athletes I suggest you opt out before the going gets tough because it will affect your relationship later down the line.

4. Extrovert vs Introvert

I know a few people who are going to disagree with me on this but many will also understand. I will start off by saying this; an introvert needs an extrovert simply for the relationship to work but there comes a time where these two will start clashing. I like to think of myself as an introvert, loner more like and I cannot be in a relationship with someone who likes raving, hosting parties and just being on a "hype." In moderation this lifestyle is cool but when done exsessively and around an introvert it will cause problems because then one of us will have to compromise which will make you resent the person because hell, you'll be missing out on the Drake After party or they might have to miss Eastenders to go to the Drake After party. Either way, it might be fun and you might be understanding at first but will make you want to choke each other six months later when the honeymoon period is over.

5. Kids and marriage

Biiiiig deal! Getting into a relationship when you are 17/18 and not care what the other person's views on marriage and kids are is absolutely fine but when you are aging like myself you have to know how the other person views these. There are some people out there who really want to get married and have kids and there are some who are not so keen. In this day and age we have a lot of couples that have been together for 10 years and their not married neither do they have kids and are happy. Marriage and kids are not absolutely necessary these days as long as you both have that understanding and are OK with your living and future arrangements. You also have to find out when they are planning on settling down if they are and how many kids they want to have, if any. The worst case scenario when a child lover marries a non-maternal person and was not aware of this until after jumping the broom. Do your homework.

So, ladies and gentlemen of AVG Blog, do you agree or disagree and what other things should one look out for before say yes to a relationship?

How To Feel Good In 10 Ways

A wise man once said:

"There's no such thing as an ugly woman, only a lazy one."

 At first I didn't agree but then take a look at some celebrities without make-up. I rest my case. Its natural to have insecurities, I think its a natural shame to be honest because there honestly isn't such a thing as an ugly woman. I'm often the relationship joker and cynic but I thought I should take some time out and speak to my sisters who might be feeling a little down on the self esteem side because let's face it we all suffer from it at some point so stop feeling sorry for yourself and follow my tips and we'll have your confidence higher than an Amy Winehouse at the Brits.

First and foremost, it all starts with you.

i) Fake it til you make it

Have you ever seen a girl you didn't think was attractive with Trey Songz looking guys on her case and wondered how she gets all the attention? She told herself that she was hot enough to get anyone and she did. If you believe you're the hottest thing since electrical heaters and act like it; the whole world will treat you like you are. Think positive thoughts about yourself and accept that you are not perfect and that no one else is. Once past that hurdle think of yourself as uber hot and always keep that in mind. Sometimes faking it will take you to your desired goal and while you know you're faking it; no one else does!

ii) Wear make-up like you're the face of MAC

For years I didn't wear make up because I simply didn't want to. Didn't see the need and was quite happy with the way I looked without it but I didn't feel attractive. Every time I wore make up to go out to a special event, I had this confidence that I never got every other day. I wanted to look in the mirror the whole night simply because I liked how I looked and don't get me started on the compliments. I don't think the compliments were because of how I looked but how I felt came out and people felt that vibe so I started wearing make up everyday simply because I like how I feel when I'm wearing it and my confidence goes up a notch everyday not to mention I don't run away from taking pictures now!
In addition to wearing some make-up, dress well and keep your hair looking good because when you look good, you feel good. Our confidence starts with how we look outside then it's manipulated into our brain so we feel good too!

iii) Accentuate your best assets

Like I said at the beginning, everyone has insecurities and if you can't fix them create a distraction. Simple. Those who know me know that I wasn't blessed with an ass like Buffy the body and no matter how much I've tried to eat and do squats it just won't grow so what did I do? Created a distraction. I started putting the focus on other areas I felt confident with making people forget about my not-so-plump backside.
Everyone has a part of their body they like best so accentuate it whether its your eyes, lips, hair, breasts, stomach, legs, bum, feet the list is endless put your focus on that area which will divert people's attention from the area you're not so proud of.
(Tip for my not-so-plump backside sisters, avoid wearing high waisted clothes they flatten your bum and wear fitted or low rise jeans or trousers)

iv) Treat yourself and take care of yourself

Its called retail therapy for a reason and you don't need to buy the whole Selfridges. There are now so many shops and boutiques that cater to all purse sizes and sometimes you just need to buy that one pair of shoe or that little black dress to make you feel good. Go to the salon and get a new hairstyle; you can also treat yourself to some lunch, facial, mani or pedi. All these are simple little things that pump up your confidence.

v) Listen to music

You ever feel down until you hear Beyonce singing Single Ladies, Katy Perry's Fireworks or even the Glee cast? Music has a subliminal way of manipulating our thoughts and mood. Try listening to Kelis' 'Caught Out There' and tell me if you feel better then listen to Usher's Dj Got Us Falling In Love and notice the difference. There are songs for every mood. When you're down try listening to an upbeat song, dance and sing a long and in 4 minutes, your mood will be different.
Listen to music when you're on the train or in your car and let the music move you.
(Not literally because people on the train might think you're crazy)

vi) Go out

Don't stay couped up in the house feeling sorry for yourself. Get your glad rags on keeping number 1 and 2 in mind. When you're out there is a 99.999% that someone is going to compliment you which is exactly what you need to confirm what you already knew. Chris Rock once said

"women need three things in life: water, food and compliments"

So the need for appreciation is in our nature. Nothing wrong with that. Savour it and believe that they are complimenting on you on what is true. You're fabulous! Distraction is also a good way to making yourself feel good, so stay busy!

vii) Flirt

There's nothing wrong with a little bit of harmless flirting. A little smile, batting your eyelashes and engaging in meaningless conversation adds nothing but a feel good feeling into your life. Flirting is another confirmation that you are worth talking to. If someone didn't want to engage in any sort of conversation with you they wouldn't. You don't have to flirt with a stranger, even your significant other. A little bit of appreciation goes a long way so take your time and enjoy it.

viii) Surround yourself with positive people

If you can read this you can probably add and subtract so we all know that plus and minus equals minus. So no matter how much of a positive and happy individual you are; if you surround yourself with negative people it will rub off on you.
Hang around people that uplift your spirits, stroke your ego and add to your life. Life is too short to be surrounding yourself with negative people because they'll just spread negative energy and you're better than that.

ix) Do something you're good at

Everyone has something that they are good at; whether it's drawing, painting, writing, singing, dancing etc we all have talents. Every now and then do something that you're good at or something that you enjoy alone. I like to sing and dance when I'm home alone and Lord knows I can't do either of those but I still do them and I feel good during and after doing them. If nothing comes to mind, take up a new hobby or go to the gym. A good work out is guaranteed to leave you feeling refreshed. Take care of you.

x) Get enough rest

Seems a bit too silly and a bit too easy but tiredness has never made anyone feel good. Make sure you get enough rest and sleep. An average adult needs 8 hours sleep so try and get some. Lie ins are great because your body gets to relax but overdoing them will just leave you feeling groggy and tired.
The trick is to get enough rest, not too much and not too little because they'll both leave you feeling tired which won't make you look or feel good.

Basically, the easiest way to feeling good is to take care of yourself and think positively about yourself. No one is perfect and everyone has their own opinion but the only one that matters is the one you have for yourself so think good thoughts!

Ladies and gentlemen of AVG blog, any other suggestions?

ARE YOU SETTLING???

There comes a time in all relationships when you sit back and wonder if you are with your significant other because you love them or because you’re scared there’s no one better out there for you. It is unrealistic to think that you are going to be happy 100% of the time and your life is going to be similar to one straight out of Hollywood. However, if you find yourself unhappy most of the time that you are around them and the thought of being in that relationship makes you want to cry, you might just be settling.

Let’s get real, at the beginning of a relationship we are so blinded by infatuation that any habits that would normally drive us nuts are cute and the fact that they are not compatible to you is unrecognisable because we have that thrill of someone new. Its only a bit further down the line that you start to see clearly and most of the time you’re in too deep to just call it quits. Either because you’re scared you are not going to find something better or you want to avoid the heart ache. We also convince ourselves that no one is perfect and that we might be picky.
I have a girlfriend who had been with her partner for a year and in that whole year he never surprised her with anything. No flowers, chocolates, little gifts or what-not but he always did what she asked him. He was a good man; caring and loving but everything about their relationship was monotone; there was no excitement, no dates unless she nagged about it. As a grown woman she exercised communication and discussed with him her concerns. Nothing changed  because he was content with their relationship he didn’t feel the need to add any excitement to their relationship so she just accepted it as one of his flaws because no one is perfect, right or was she settling?

"Everybody settles to some degree," says John W. Jacobs, M.D., a New York City-based psychiatrist and author of All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage (HarperCollins, 2005). "But when we talk about really settling, we're talking about someone who has settled and agreed to be in a relationship where there is something really big that bothers them. They have decided that it is in their interest to live with that situation."

There are so many reasons why people stay in relationships when they are clearly not happy and the main ones are self-esteem and fear. It rules such a big part of us and in some relationships it gets taken away from us leaving us stuck with that person because they have made us believe we do not deserve or can do better. It also gets to the point where you are scared that no one will love you or understand you as much as Bob does. Fear paralyzes people.
Below I have come up with 5 signs to show that you might not be overreacting and the grass might indeed be greener on the other side. As usual I’m going to be brief and not write the extremes such as ‘if he’s using you as a punching bag but you still stay because you love him and he loves you’ because those are pretty straight forward. Get out of there!

1. You are not bothered about what he does or doesn't do
Many people out there are in relationships because they are scared of being alone, that's why they end up settling. Being with someone means being interested in their well being and their life. You want to know if they are safe, fed and achieving their life goals. If you find yourself not being bothered about their present or future, you might be settling because you just want someone to be there with you.

2. You don’t have the same interests in anything
My boyfriend likes all these vampire movies, I like comedies. I like reading, he'd much rather be playing COD Black Ops. Apart from these we more or less speak the same language when it comes to our interests. When you find yourself in a relationship where you do not have the same interests whatsoever, there might be trouble ahead. You can't go anywhere with him because he doesn't like what you like and vice versa. The only thing you have in common is each other. Everything that you do is based on compromisation even when it comes to watching tv or going out for a meal because of your different lifstyles. They are not a bad person and neither are you, they are just not the right person for you so stop settling.

3. You are not attracted to him
Attraction goes beyond physical, for a relationship to work you have to be attracted to everything about them i.e their physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. Take physical for an example, if you are not physically attracted to your partner, there is a very high chance that you are going to start looking elsewhere for that physical attraction. Same goes for mental, spiritual and emotional attraction. That connection needs to be there because if you are lacking in either one of these you will look elsewhere for it because they are the key to a lasting relationship. You need someone who is on the same page as you, same beliefs (an atheist cannot marry a religious person and live together forever and ever unless one of them converts) and same goes for emotional attraction (an animal rights activists can never have a long lasting relationship with a fur lover or breeder for dogs that do dog fighting.)

4. You know he cheats on you but allow him because all men are the same
Unfortunately, this woman exists. She has been hurt and cheated on so many times that she thinks its the norm. I am no expert and I am no man but something doesn't sit right with me when I think of accepting my partner's infedelity because the next guy might do the same thing to me. Anyone that is willing to be disloyal and share your bed with someone else does not deserve you. A good spouse will be faithful. Don't settle for that mess, you deserve better.

5. You know he’s not the right one for you
If you are in a relationship where you purposely know that your partner is the right one for you, there is no redder flag. Knowing that you're settling is just going to cause frustration and depression down the line. I know people that have gotten married to people they did not like but did it because they wanted kids or marriage. Some years or months later you are going  to find yourself constantly wishing for someone else or that your significant other would change to be what you want.

It's worse to settle for something that you do not want than to have nothing at all.

10 Signs You're Crazy!!!

Alright, last time I shared with you the top ten signs that you were dealing with a crazy guy. Some guys thought some of the signs were not crazy but showed how much they cared. Alarms bells just started going off everywhere in my head. So this time I took some time to draft some of the signs to show that you might have a crazy tendency. Some of the guys' signs from last time do apply to some women but I chose these ones specifically for us. There are plenty more but since I only have to put down 10, I chose the ones which I thought were done by "normal" women and not those that need to be put into an institution.
*Disclaimer: I have never done any of these below mentioned signs. It was all researched *clears throat*
1. Going through his phone while he's sleeping.
The crazy thing about this is that many women have done it for so long that it has now began to seem normal. No, its not. If you can't go through his phone when he's sitting next to you; you probably shouldn't do it when he's passed out either.

2. You broke up months ago but you still want him back, when he tells you that he doesn't feel the same you pull a Jazmine Sullivan and bust his windows.
Rejection is never easy for anyone but busting his windows, scratching his car, flattening his tyres is one way to send him running for the hills and possibly getting a restraining order on your ass. Keep it cool, say ok and smile then cry in your pillow at night.

3. Going through his trash
Bins are disgusting no what where or what's in it. Going through his trash to see what he's been throwing away, hidden things he might be trying to discard before you see is just plain nasty. Usually if you look for something, you'll find it.

4. Checking his mileage to see what he said matches with his mileage spent
Not only did this happen in 'Why did I get married too', a girlfriend of mine confessed to doing this to her then bf and apparently he had spent 200miles to go to work. Maybe it works, I'm not judging.

5. Spraying your perfume all over his clothes so that he smells of a woman
Jealousy will make you do some strange things but if you are his side piece, accept your position and do not try and sabotage this poor man's relationships with other women. If you are in a relationship with him and still feel the need to "mark your territory" by spraying his clothes so that he smells like you, you might be dealing with some issues. Just be discreet with the spraying, a little whiff goes a long way.


6. Crying wolf
Screaming down the street that he's been beating, abusing and neglecting you and your five kids just to keep him in the house is probably gonna make him run for the hills. To make matters worse, the neighbours are starting to feel sorry for you when you don't even have kids, he ain't even your man! If he doesn't want to be there, let him go.

7. Creating a fake fb profile to lure him and cheat on you with your fake profile
You don't trust him so in order for you to see if he's been or will cheat on you; you create a fake fb profile and start flirting with him just to see if he'll bite.

8. Calling his house phone on private number and hanging up as soon as he picks up just to make sure he's at home.
Obviously there is lack of trust in this relationship which leads you to do some strange things. Calling his house phone to make sure he's at home is one sure sign that you have a problem. If he says he's at home believe him, if you don't; tell him. Don't prank him!

9. You have a baby by him and make it a point to call all his gf's telling them to stay away from your husband or you will do juju on them
Let him go. If you happen to have a baby by him and still want him back, let him go. If he was truly yours he'll come back. For real. Because the last thing an innocent woman wants to hear is her man's baby mama telling her that she should stay away from her "husband." This is only gonna push him further away from him because you'll be showing him that you are crazy and noone like a crazy person.

10. Going through his emails, fb, online bank account to see what he's been upto and what he's been spending his money on after you've broken up.
To make it worse you think this is normal and you claim you're just curious what he's up to. To make matters worse, you start deleting the pictures which he's tagged in with girls, deleting the female friends who'd have written on his wall or poked him. The poor guy trusted you with his personal info and now that you have broken up you're acting all crazy. To be fair he should have changed his details when you broke up. Oops! Did I just try and justify a crazy action?

(Shout out to my significant other for telling me his crazy girl experiences. Hope you weren't talking about me!)

10 SIGNS HE'S CRAZY

We’ve all been there and done that, had that crazy boyfriend who would not leave you alone. I’d like to be the first one to stand up, raise my hand and say I have been with a crazy. There’s nothing to be ashamed of because the truth is we were deceived. They made us believe that they were normal, hell; I even pictured myself getting married to him. But after a while the crazy signs started coming out and I got fed up. I tried letting my crazy go nicely by being polite because I didn’t want to break his little crazy heart but when he refused to let me go (refer to sign 3) I had to get that restraining order. No, I really didn’t but I did change my number, moved house and changed my car. If I was to write a book on what I went through with my crazy, I think it’ll make Oprah’s book club. This is why ladies, I feel obliged to share some crazy signs with you so that you can spot a crazy guy from when he drops that first text after meeting him. Here are ten signs that I thought screamed ‘CRAZY.’

1. He’s always calling, texting, email, bbm-ing (if you have a blackberry)
In the beginning, you will find this sweet and it might give you the occasional butterflies because we all like it when our love interest calls or texts us just to find out how we are. A morning text will make you smile, another text an hour later wishing you a nice day at work, the next one asking you what you’re up to (while you’re at work), then he calls just to see how your day is going, then texts you as soon as you get off the phone to him telling you that he’s thinking of you, then another text asking you what you’re doing (uh… I’m still at work),asks what you’re having for lunch, then he calls again… you catch my drift. This one though has a very thin line because it can be sweet or down right off putting so when this starts happening, be alert! This leads me to crazy sign number 2.

2i. When you miss his calls or do not reply his messages, he shows up at your house or work because he was worried about you since you hadn’t responded
Yeah, be weary when he starts showing up at your place of work or at your house because you didn’t respond to his calls or texts. It’s not always because he’s crazy, sometimes it means that he genuinely likes you and is concerned about you when you do not answer your phone even though he knows that you are work between the hours of 9 and 5, he just thinks it’s a good idea because maybe, just maybe you might have gotten hit by a blimp and needed to see if you were ok. My advice to you girlfriend is cut that crazy guy off NOW before we get to number 3. Just saying.

ii. You forget your phone at home and when you come back there are 300 missed calls, 150 texts and a few hundred voice mails.
Need I say more?

3.i. Spying on you on facebook and commenting on all your photos and statuses, even the ones dating back to 2008
 This is creepy because when you visit someone’s facebook page, most of the time you only see that month or a few weeks back on their statuses or activity. Scrolling all the way down to last year or two years ago, is bound to bring up some warning signs!

 4. Follow you to the toilet during your date in case you run off
Based on a true story. One of my girlfriends went on a date with this guy and she thought to do a runner in the middle of the film (don’t judge her, this ain’t about her!) So she politely excused herself and went to the ladies. When she was coming out she saw her date, standing there waiting for her. Trying not to freak out, she asked him if the movie had finished and he casually replied that it hadn’t. Like seriously? Where they do that at?

5. You make the mistake of staying over at his place and when you jump into the shower the next morning he deletes all the men in your phonebook
You decide to give your crazy benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe you’re reading a little too much into his actions. maybe he’s not really crazy so you spend the night with him. Later in the day you realise that there are no men left in your phone book. No brothers, cousins, friends, nothing! He had deleted every guy in your phone book and just left himself. How subtle!

6. Follow you wherever you say you are going to be just to make sure. Oh by the way, he’ll be following you without your knowledge
You might recognise this action by the common word ‘stalker.’ He seems to know what you wore the other night when he mistakenly mentions that you’ve worn that top two days in row, where you stopped for fuel, what bus you got on and which train station you got off.

7. Introduces you to his mum, aunties, siblings after your first date as the one he’s going to marry.
I understand that some dudes think this is sweet when you tell a girl that you want to marry her after the first date. Unless you’ve known each other for a while before you started dating, that just shows that you’re stupid because you’re will to marry any girl that you don’t know well enough and want to want to spend the rest of your life with her and frankly you might just become clingy and crazy. Introducing you to his mum and every family member that matters to him after your first date as his soul mate, the one, my wife etc is not sweet. Run!

8. After realising that he’s a crazy, you break up with him but he still calls you his girlfriend and carries on like you never broke up.
Break ups are never easy on anyone, whether you’re the dumpee or the dumper. If you’re the dumper, you have to deal with the fact that you’re breaking someone’s heart and they might start crying in front of you and you won’t know what to do; and if you’re the dumpee you have to deal with the fact that you’ve been rejected and all the plans you had with that person now mean nothing. That’s what normal people go through but a crazy! Oh no, he will sit there and listen to you while you break up him with a smug look on his face. when you’ve finished your well rehearsed speech, he smiles and says ok. “Whoo! That was easy,” you think to yourself.
The next day he calls you, “good morning baby,” wtf? Then he carries on like yesterday never happened, no matter how much you try and explain to him that you’re done; in his head, you’re still together. Some call it love, others denial, I call it CRAZY!

9. To try and get you back he pleads with your family, friends and everyone you know telling them that you’re the love of his life and he does not know how he’s going to move on without you.
This has a thin line between sweet and crazy but if he’s been showing the above mentioned signs, chances are he’s a bit crazy. Warn your family and friends not to entertain him cos he’ll be so charming to them that they’ll start to convince you that he’s not crazy but sweet cos he loves you.

 10. Threatening to kill himself if you leave him.
 We’ve all heard about this guy (and girls too) that threaten to kill themselves if you break up with them. Why should someone being with you matter more than your own life? There’s no need to slit your wrists or over dose on sleeping pills because a girl doesn’t want be with you. Grow a pair! Ladies, I don’t know what advice to give if a dude says this to you because he might actually kill himself if you leave him and if you stay, it’s hell for you. Look out for the signs before it gets to this stage!

So ladies and gentlemen of A Very Good Blog, what other crazy signs have I left out that we all should look out for?

(next article: 10 Signs YOU’RE Crazy! yeah, I said it)