I often get amazed at how different we are as human beings but at the same time how similar we are. In the last month I have come across three women who were in the EXACT same relationship situation and they did not know each other. They were in long term relationships with men they didn't love. Well, they loved them but they were not in love with them. So I asked why they were still hanging on and I got the same answer: "I don't know." The fear of the unknown often paralyses people. It is hard to leave someone you have been with for years because that is all you know and you don't know if you will get something better. You don't know if what you really desire is even real or if its attainable.
I often look at people who get married and wonder what sort of feeling they had when they decided to get married. We all know that falling in love is a temporary feeling and the real lasting feeling comes when you have settled in love. Gravity has done its job and you are not getting those butterflies any more .. or are you? After years of being together, will you still have that clenching feeling at the pit of your stomach that you used to get when you first started dating and has he now become "that guy?" Yes, he's your boo, you've "settled" in love and you are happy but do you still have that feeling? This is what I think a lot of people struggle with. Love is like crack, you want that high feeling so you keep going back. Trying different types so that you keep having that "falling" feeling because it's like a drug. But for my friends who are comfortable in their relationships yet they yearn for more are they settled in love and are just acting like crack fiends or is there really more out there for everyone? Is love for everyone? Is long term love for everyone?
I've met some serial daters because they cannot be in a long term relationship after the butterflies have gone. Its boring, mundane, redundant and routine because it takes work so they start looking around to see what else is there. In life you're always going to come across people that are funnier, better looking, wittier, smarter, sexier the list is endless on how many fishes are out there in the sea but are they worth letting go of what you have at home? One of my friend's situation is that she could not forgive him for the past and yet she could not let him go. The solution is pretty simple and clear. The writing is on the wall; if you cannot forgive him for what he did in the past you're punishing both you and him and are wasting valuable time when you could be out having fun getting that "falling" feeling. That feeling is great isn't it just?
But for those who do not have past problems to deal with (well every relationship has problems but some minor than others) at what point do you realise that you're settling in your relationship and you deserve better or if you're settled and now have to put in the hard work because you're committed? Is it a thin line between the two or does it take logic instead of emotion to decide whether you should stay or if you should go?
