Tell Me If He's Cheating So I Can Fark Him Up!

Baby! It's not what it looks like!

If you found out that your friend's partner was cheating on them would you tell them?

I asked a few of my friends what they'd do if they found my man cheating. A few said they'd tell me, some wouldn't and others would tell him to tell me. If I was cheating and my man's friend caught me and told me to tell Bob that I was cheating, how would that conversation go?

"Hey babe. You know John. He's not my cousin y'kno"
"What d'you mean he's not your cousin?"
"Well, we're kinda getting it in. I'm sowwy."

Call me crazy but I'd prefer it if he approached me and asked me if I'm cheating on him to which I will deny it unless he has visual evidence to show me otherwise its deny, deny, deny. Anyway, this is not about me.

"I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman!"

If you are my friend and you're reading this right now, I'd like to tell you that if I catch your man cheating I am going to video record him and take pictures. Then I will arrange a Starbucks lunch (because I love their chicken and tomato panini) and tell you about his triflin' ass. When you do confront him about it, feel free to drop my name in there or better yet I will be there with you swinging my baseball bat in case he tries anything funny saying "that's right, I saw you motherf*cker. I saw you!"

One of my friends that said she wouldn't tell me said it was because she knew I'd go crazy. Yes. Yes, I will. I will be sitting there in Starbucks arms folded, biting my cheek and shaking my left leg under the table thinking "where is that fool? Let me go and get that nucca!"
But I do understand where she's coming from, I might go cray and get done for murder but there are also some women who prefer to stay ignorant if their man's cheating and if my friend told me that she preferred not to know if her man's cheating then I'd respect that and not say anything if I caught him cheating on her. There are certain situations, like marriage, you got kids, you don't believe in divorce etc where you know you're not going to leave your partner so if they are creeping you'd rather not know because it's only going to cause heartache for you. Fair enough.

I personally do not think that cheating is the end of a relationship (like I wrote in Monogamy the myth.) People make mistakes and move on. If you were my friend and withheld that information from me I'd be very hurt because maybe he was going through some things that made him cheat and the discovery of his infidelity would allow us to address those issues and move on, possibly make our relationship better or stronger. When I do find out, I will not bust his windows because his windows might be my windows but there will definitely be some furniture movement in the house and I will beat him til the white meat then we can talk about why the hell he did it.

If we break up, we break up and if we stay together and work it out then that's my prerogative. You might be sitting across the table from us thinking that I stayed with a fool but at least I'll know he's a fool and dammit he'll be my fool! The last thing I'd want is for someone to know that my man is cheating on me and I don't. Tell me, let me deal with it. I promise I won't kill him and if I do I will plead temporary insanity.


Disclaimer: I do not condone violence, in fact I can't even fight. I just have a big mouth!